I recently joined a "challenge" to stop yelling. I know it's meant to stop yelling at your children, but I've added in some of the other yelling I do (pets are the worst! They just don't listen. ) The longer I am a part of this the more I realize that I have very different parenting theories then most. It makes me wonder if maybe I'm not as good of a mom as I want to be, but I don't think I'm horrible either. I must be somewhere in the middle, so hopefully my girl is a little better then me and it'll continue down the line.
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Do what you can, and hope for the best.
I can't always be ad productive as I'd like. I know that and I accept that. However, I'm not sure why some days are so ridiculously wasted. You know them, the days when you feel like it as a long day but you can't figure out why, or what exactly you did with it. Those can be great days when you an afford them, but the rest of the time things generally need to be accomplished. the solution: a schedule! *surprise!!* We all know that by making ourselves time for all the things we have to do then we are sure we actually have the time, and we are probably more likely to do it if we set that time aside. I know, of doesn't always work, but I have to start somewhere. How to stay on schedule is another issue fr another day. Or a other writer...someone who has actually figured it out and can manage to follow their plan and finish the day the way they want. I just plan it out, schedule it, and hope for the best. I do think the most important things are to start the day at the same time and in the same way, every day, so your body knows its time to wake up and get started. By. missing part of our morning routine you may be slower and groggier all day. I know, I do it all the stinking time. I'm totally working on that this year, because I've lost a lot of hours in my life just by having an off start to my morning. its the same with my girl. If I wake her up early or late there is usually so,e suffering for it later. Maybe it'll be around lunch when we've been up so long we are on our third meal for the day, or bedtime when she wants to crash early or stay up late, that's just going to make tomorrow as impossible as today. The key points to building your schedule are to put in outside actions that are at a set time first. Have a doctors appointment? put that in first because you can't just go when you want, same with school , bedtime, and extracurriculars. Now put in time for what you like or need in a day. I like to plan time for yoga every morning because it helps lower my stress point for the day and helps ,manage my daily pains. If I skip that for 2 days I'm a mess, and I can feel it in my body and hear it in my lack of patience. This needs to be in my daily schedule or part of my morning routine for the sake of myself and those around me. I also enjoy a morning coffee (or tea, or apple juice) to get me relaxed and give me time to prepare and look over my day. This time doesn't need to be just sitting and staring into space, but if I do all my other morning things without that sit down and have a drink time I will feel rushed and hectic, even if I don't leave the house. Its about the time to enjoy something just because and to build a focus and tone for the day. After that? Just fill in whatever else. Lots of children thrive on routine, structure, schedules, and knowing what comes next. It makes it easier on them to have fewer surprises and lots of consistency. We get up at the same time, we eat at the same times every day, we have school on these days at these times. Children without this just float around the day and will likely put up more of a fight when something does need to be dome on a time limit. That's why schools have blocks of time to do things, in the same order, every day. Its also why children who out their hat on first will always put their hat on first, then a coat or boots, followed by the rest of their gear. It took a while of helping kids get ready for me to even notice that, but its there when you look hard enough. Or when you start to do it their way. Sure it makes no sense to put on my gloves then my coat, so much harder to do it up, but when they do it enough times you might try it too... Maybe I'm just a child at heart, but it works for me. I definitely need to know what I have to do and when in order for it to get done.
I'm failing at Christmas this year. The tree not only isn't up, but I saw where it is, considered pulling it out, then didn't. Maybe I've changed from a put it up Dec 1 person. to let's decorate it Christmas eve mom. The worst part if that is I actually convinced my daughter that she doesn't think we need it, at least not yet. I haven't finished wrapping. Furthermore I have decided that Santa and his elves no longer wrap presents because its easier to see who its for if you're not trying to see a little name on a tiny tag somewhere on the present. Santa knows what everyone gets so he can just look in the bag and get the right one. Someone ate the Christmas baking. OK it was me. well me and one other person. it was really just to save stress, now I don't have to worry about any allergies or who likes what best. I do miss having them though, and we love to bake together so maybe Christmas eve will be baking day...or tomorrow if I remember. I forgot to purchase some presents. I also forgot to tell Santa that she would have her stocking out. Now this one wasn't a complete fail because after deciding it doesn't matter anyway and crawling into bed, I remembered the things I purchased in November and hid because I was starting early so I'd get it all done right. Here's hoping its enough to fill a stocking! Guess I better check, or do a trial run. Worst case scenario I could go to the store, but with school out for holidays she would be picking her own stuff out. I bought presents and am slowly wrapping them, however its taking significantly longer then necessary (I LOVE the wrapping so I'm trying to make it last) and I'm not really sure I got something for everyone I needed too. I'm sure there will be something around the house I can give them, or I will bake more. Baking seems easier then going into a store this time of year, and I can totally bake at 7 am, when nothing else is open, and with a double batch I get treats for myself as well. That seems like a yummy plan; I certainly hope I bought myself larger pants for under the tree. I also forgot to put up the outside decorations. I've never decorated the outside of my house before but in October and November I was all wrapped up in Christmas spirit and had huge plans. I was going to get them all up before the snow! I think I'll put the lights up in the spring and call it mood lighting all year. At least then I'll know I did it! We haven't watched any Christmas movies. I watch Scrooge every single year, at least once, plus all the Santa Clause ones with Tim Allen in them, as well as the Santa Baby ones and whatever else I find all month. I've seen one this year and it was mostly because when I turned on the TV that's the channel it was on. I didn't take my daughter to pick presents for anyone, we talked about it and I just bought them. This has to be less fun for her but she seems happy she had a say and still got to stay home. I am clearly raising a homebody who only likes to go out once a week and will only go to school because her friends are more fun them sweeping again.
There are not the usual Christmas CDs playing in my home, I've not had anyone over for treats or coffee or just a visit, I haven't spent any time with my extended family, and I don't even know where my Santa hat is, the good one with bells or my backup one for someone who forgets theirs. I haven't even planned my Christmas open house. So what HAVE I done? I hung the stockings, I did the cookie exchange, I bought and dropped off the teacher present, I decorated the living room, I got together some food I'll take to the food bank after they use all their stock for the Christmas rush, I spent time teaching my child that its more about picking something they'll love then spending a ton of money, I knitted, I picked presents no one else will pick, I wrapped with love and precision, and I hid things I bought ahead of time and have launched a search to find them. I also reminded myself and those around my that this time of year is about caring, sharing, love, and appreciation. It's not about what I forgot to do but about those I remembered to call and the happiness on their faces when I got them something they really anted but wouldn't get for themselves, or when they consider how long I spent knitting that scarf just for them and suiting their own personality. What really matters is the feelings behind the season not the shiny lights or stacks of gifts lost in the closet. I hope you can feel a little bit of how I feel this year. I have seen an outpouring of love and feel very spoiled and showered with well wishes, presents I love, and the chance to see the pride they have in doing something so great for me. I know it is the season of giving, but I've been on the receiving end of so many wonderful emotions and precious moments that all the usual activities have fallen behind. Even if I am failing at the act of Christmas I am happy to say Christmas has not failed me, and I've gotten the spirit of the season just right. Every day we feed our tummies, our families, and sometimes our friends. We have to remember that sometimes we have to feed our soul
For me that day was today. I have been doing too much and stressed close to my limit. I've not made enough time for myself and still can't get everything done. I've been worrying and feeling frustrated enough that people around me have noticed. That's clearly not fair and is a point of change. Today I got up early so I could accomplish things and avoid feeling groggy. Then after a nap I was invited to a friends house for tea. Two hours in a quiet house with a friend and I'm feeling very different then this morning. I didn't mention any of what I've been stressed about. I relaxed and I chatted and I finally spent a couple hours not worrying about what's happened or what's going to happen. What a wonder afternoon. Sometimes we need quiet both inside our minds and outside our bodies. No TV, no kids yelling, no traffic. Just quiet and calm. I encourage everyone to do what they need to feed their should. Read or nap, chat or write, whatever it is that makes you feel calm. Its not selfish or a waste of time, it is as necessary as feeding your body. It leads to a healthier family and healthier relationships. we pay school fees. We buy school clothes. We purchase s weirdly specific list of school supplies, never really understanding why or where the one store is that has the whole list. Then we start to think its finally over, and we settle in for the year.
OR NOT Class parties need snacks supplied. Lunches an snacks must be healthy Classes need extra craft supplies, pumpkins for carving, etc Shoes when they outgrow theirs School errands Somehow something in that mountain of school supplies will run out Valentines must be signed and sorted and the one no one told me; apparently we send treats or treat bags for the kids to take home on Halloween. Birthday cake/cupcakes/treats must be made/bought So where does it end? Do they ever use all these things we've tracked down and taken to school for learning? Not to say they don't learn, but where does everything go? if they will be going trick or treating after school and had a treat for a snack, why are we sending more? If we are planning am holding a birthday party why must we also send something to the school? I never got treats at work. I never made cupcakes for work on my birthday. are we setting out kids up to expect all these celebration and treats and gift bags that will soon stop and leave them wondering why? I also wonder how this keeps us treating the less fortunate children the same as those from wealthy families. I can't afford what some families can yet I know I'm better off then so many people. It must make both parents and children feel sad and cause unnecessary stress worrying about how to pay for a birthday AND supply things for the class. Or how to buy enough candy to hand out AND send to school. Especially if they have more then one child. Maybe its time to re-evaluate what our school needs vs wants are, and how much added pressure we are putting on ourselves and others. As its winter again its time for the refresher on winter tips. I've even found some new ones that I thin are pretty cool. NO winter coats in car seats. any car seat, any size. Even adults are safer without a bulky winter jacket. cover a child with a blanket over the car seat buckles, and keep a thin sweater underneath. Thin layers are your best option. Bulky winter jackets can compress if you stop fast or there is an impact, and allows room for the child to go slip out the carseat even while buckled in. ICE your cell phone. Build a contact I'm your phone and label it ICE. In Case of Emergency. This will include the information of who emergency personnel or hospital staff should contact if there's an emergency. Perhaps note any medical issues they should be aware of immediately. This is being passed around by many of my friends who work as emergency responders so they are looking for it on the scene. I also choose to keep a small wallet with my child at all times that includes her health care card, allergy information, and contact numbers for myself and her father. ICE your child's car seat. Put a sticker on the car seat that includes your child's name, birthday, allergies, and emergency contact information. This is also a great place to include your name and you can include your birth date as well. This simple information can help responders provide necessary car for yourself and your children. Keep an emergency or "hit the ditch" kit I'm your trunk. This should include all the normal things. Granola bars, candles, flashlight and batteries, blanket, kitty litter (to get traction under tires and get out of said ditch), and if you can get a folding shovel they can be great too. There's lots of places to find already made sets and lots of versions online that you can pack yourself, tailor it to suit you and your needs. Check that all seatbelts and car seats are properly fitted and intact. Keep headlights clean and working well, change all bulbs as soon as they burn out. If you can get winter tires get them! My first winter with them I ventured to places and events I otherwise wouldn't have gone too. You still need to drive carefully, but breaking time is greatly improved.
I will admit, I spend most of October trying to navigate Halloween and keep it minimal. Not because of the candy or th kids but because I've had enough.
Ispend all year watching teeth brushing and keeping candy and sweets limited only to have this "holiday" come along and ruin it all. I actually heard once is better to let them eat all the candy in the first week or so to get it over with and get the junk out of the house. I'm not sure I agree with that because it teaches binging, but that's jus my opinion. I aso don't see how that much candy in a short time can be good for anyones health. So we take our kids and dress the up, pretty much just o show the world how cool we are, and send them begging I'm the streets not for food because we are hungry, but for candy. Maybe if there were a fee ore tricks and a few less treats I could enjoy it more. You know you are going to spend more money on candy then what its worth, more then you'll bring home, and if our have leftovers then you're going to eat them. This year Im making Christmas decorations and gifts from my leftover candy. It may as well be put to use! I choose to use the rationing of Halloween candy o teach my girl to save, to earn, to plan ahead. "if you eat it all now you won't have any later" If I'm letting her stay up past bedtime (partly due to the strange children ringing my doorbell) then it may as well be a learning experience. She spent the night running around gathering it, now it should last the winter. If a squirrel can do it so can a person. I do wonder how we go from don't take anything from strangers to go knock on the for and ask for candy... This doesn't mean I dont see the fun in it, and sure some things are worth doing just for enjoyment, but if you have a shy child who deosnt enjoy it what are you to do? Go to a church celebration? Well, call this rude, but I'm not sure that church is the place for Halloween...I'm pretty sure they bare almost exact opposites. All said and done, I'm glad it'd over. I plan to use its a learning opportunity, pure entertainment, and am happy it only happens once a year. Mommies have special superpowers that no one else on earth has. Its what keeps us from hiding under the covers or using disposable dishes only. Over the last few days I've been tracking the ones I notice most or that my child assumes I have.
We need less sleep. Except I think that's wrong and that we need more, but try and explain that to anyone else in the world We know where absolutely everything is all the time. There is never something a mommy can't find, even when lost at so,some elses house. We see through walls. And furniture, and really anything else between us and them. "Look at me" yelled from 3 rooms away just proves it. That's also how we keep them from doing things they shouldn't so I don't really want to prove it wrong. However helping find the card they lost in their room while cooking supper is harder. We know everything they need to know, including the answers to homework and what library book they should take out tomorrow (perhaps if I knew all the books the library this the would be easier) We can stop time so they can always have that extra 5 minutes. When we run out of time it is not because they wouldn't get ready when you asked but because we choose to ,make time run out faster. We know exactly what the want even before they do and should always produce the perfect supper/ school supplies/ birthday party We have eyes in the back of our heads. This is clear when we tell them to stop jumping on the bed without even looking in their room. Of course its not the thumping that gives it away What are your special superpowers? You know the calls, the ones where you just want to confirm your plans for next Monday and you picked the best time you could think of to call, but she's still a mom. A busy mom too. So, here's what you hear:
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