I recently joined a "challenge" to stop yelling. I know it's meant to stop yelling at your children, but I've added in some of the other yelling I do (pets are the worst! They just don't listen. ) The longer I am a part of this the more I realize that I have very different parenting theories then most. It makes me wonder if maybe I'm not as good of a mom as I want to be, but I don't think I'm horrible either. I must be somewhere in the middle, so hopefully my girl is a little better then me and it'll continue down the line.
I have noticed that I don't yell as much as I thought I did. I really thought I yelled all the time, but I've put a goal tracking app on my phone, and when I yell my girl goes in and checks off a square. Apparently I think I yell way more then she thinks I do. Maybe some of us moms should consider that before we beat ourselves up about it, if our children think it's not that bad then why are we so hard on ourselves? I mean sure I'm still going to be aware of it and try not to yell at her, but I'm done beating myself up about it, if she doesn't think I'm yelling then I'm not counting it either.
Another thing I noticed was how far some parents have gone in the other direction. Apparently when our children don't listen we should ask them what we can do to get them to complete the task as requested. Are you kidding me?! I would rather be considered a bit of a worse mom by others and have my daughter respect me and know that in life there will be people who get to tell her what to do, and she had better do it. One of the examples I saw involved a singing game to get them to do something after they refused. Well, here's my take, if they do it the first time I ask I will sing and dance and make it fun, if I have to ask you 2 or 3 times you better just dang well do it., and I highly recommend doing it NOW. Why? Because when she grows up and gets a job and doesn't do what she's asked, she will be fired. There aren't always second chances in life, and if you make it more fun after they are defiant then they will learn that's how to do it. If I refuse to brush my teeth then my mommy will sing the brush your teeth song, but if I do it then I just go to bed. I don't want to teach her that. Another thing I disagree with is that there is never an appropriate time to yell. If she is running towards a dog I don't know, I sure as heck will use my louder and maybe my angry voice, same walking out in front of the parade or hanging over the back of the couch. The worst it will do is startle or scare her into stopping, then I have her attention to ask nicely that she come back and let's try again. I won't feel bad about it. When she bit me I yelped, it scared her, she stopped biting. Sometimes it just has it's place.
I have also learned that not everyone has to agree with how I parent. I learned this because I sure as the sky is blue don't agree with all their parenting choices or ideas, but I 100% respect their right to make those choices. I also know that every child reacts to things differently, so we can't all parent exactly the same way. I believe that they should also allow me my own ideas and theories, and to let me do things my way without judging. We are all trying to achieve the same goal, productive members of society who can follow rules and not intentionally hurt others., so as long as we are working on the same goal I say we are in this together and should be reasonable, understanding, and accepting of each other. Let's just agree to love our children and do our best.