At some point we all just new some quiet time. I have friends who have found ways to do this without tricking a child but I just haven't yet.

    I tried quiet time, nap time, and reading by yourself, all of which resulted in complaints or questions. I tried movie days, but they didn't work either. So is devised my own ways to get some quiet.

Want to count the money in mommy's piggy bank?

How about you colour (with colour wonder felts) and I'll close my eyes so it's a surprise!

Ok, you brush my hair and I'll sit quietly.

You be the mommy and I'll be the baby. It's time for baby's nap, you rub my back and I'll have a "pretend" nap.

You take your clean clothes to your room and put them away and I'll put away mine. Even if they don't get distracted by toys, it'll take them way longer.

Dump the change from their piggy banks and they can put it back in.

Do you have any more?

     Oh the anxiety!! No matter where the anxiety comes from, if it's justifiable or not, moms are anxious. We all have anxiety to some degree, some are just better at hiding it or filing it in the right spot. It's great to remind everyone that when they have anxiety, it's normal. 

Dear married moms,

I am not single because I thought it would be more fun. I am not single because I like to go out. I am single because he was unreliable and made me feel bad about myself. We fought, and it wasnt a good way for a baby to grow up.

When you struggle with bedtimes, food choices, clothes, so do I. I have no one to pass the torch too, as it's just me. Yes, sometimes I take the easy way out, and I don't feel bad for that. Sometimes it's easier to let her wear whatever she wants, no matter how embarrassed I am, it gets us out of the house on time and she's happy. Please stop glaring at me for it, or thinking I must be too broke to buy her better clothes. Yes, money is tight, but it is for many people. She simply chooses to wear her favorites and they don't always fit well or match.

When you post or call and share about all the girls nights you are having, or all the movies you go to, please remember I see them. It would be nice if you sometimes invited me as well. I do sometimes have child free days, and I feel forgotten.

  Most importantly, I need you to stop judging my decisions about what is best for my child and my family. I have a parenting agreement. I don't like it, I didn't have a kid an think "hey, lets fight over the baby and cut all our time in half" and I certainly don't enjoy court or any of the other necessities I currently go through. If you are not a lawyer offering free services, please be supportive and understanding. Getting angry with me because I made a compromise to avoid months of court dates and thousands of dollars doesn't mean I'm a bad parent, or that I'm stupid enough to think its a great compromise. I know there are pitfalls to living my life this way, I get how much work it is to make these agreements manageable. I simply don't have much choice. The law is what it is, lawyers are expensive, and even then can only work within the current laws and precedents. Just because you think it should go differently doesn't make it the way the law goes. Your opinion that a lawyer can get it changed doesn't change the fact that my expensive lawyer with 20 years experience is telling me it won't be changed. In particular, yelling at me and telling me I'm being dumb, will not only NOT help, it will likely ensure we are no longer friends.

Please feel free to share with me your own struggles at home, your growing pains with the children. I'd love to her how your husband gets the kids to bed, I'll try almost everything once. Do you have a trick for getting them to so chores? I'd like to try that too, as I don't have someone to unload the dishwasher while I bath a baby. My time is limited and I'd rather spend it with my child then sweeping for a third time today.

Thank you,

Sincerely,

Single Moms

    Often as moms we worry about what didn't get done that day, or we feel horrible when our child has a tantrum in the store, and we worry we aren't teaching them enough or raising them well.

    I think we should more often apply the theory of lookin at what we did accomplish rather then what we didn't. Child screamed in the store? Well lets be glad you taught them not to swear. Didn't get the dishes done? Well at least they're dirty because you cooked supper.

    I think this theory could be life changes when applied properly. Remind your boss of all the days you worked when you weren't supposed to and maybe he won't mind the ones you missed. Sure, you slipped and ate pizza, but you had fruit for a snack!

    I have found this successful in helping with my stress, I make a "did that" list to see what I finished that day, and I sure do a lot more then you'd think seeing my to do list. It seems that we put an awful lot of pressure on ourselves when maybe we don't need to. I mean sure, there are things that have to be done on time, but if it doesn't then why get overstressed about it (I know, that probably isn't a word, or isn't a good one anyway, but Internet allows me to subject you to my imagination and I like to invent words). Maybe things really do depend on how you look at them.

    Oh no, it occurred to me that reading my rambling a might not make it to your to do list...I hope it turns up on the did that list anyway! :)

I'm Tanya and I am a SuperMom. I homeschool two beautiful little girls; one in preschool, one starting grade 3, and we have one on the way. I adopted each one of my miracles and have never looked back. I am married to a wonderful man and he is very supportive of my homeschool plan. My husband works away from home. Normally, he's gone 14 days and home for 7. Sometimes it's double that depending on how the oil patch is... it's feast or famine in his line of work, so we take what we can, when we can. That leaves me being a single mom, with a really great paycheck. Money aside, it's a big job. I have little people that fall into the "special" category. That means a few extra appointments, extra effort in school planning and strategic planning of playdates. To make this even more complicated, we are Wiccan. Finding people to share my joys and failures with is a feat in itself. All of this is EXHAUSTING! I do the job of both traditonal parents. For 14 days in a row, I am a single mom. When I do find an outlet, in a playdate or some Mommytime with another adult, I don't want to hear about how much you miss your spouse and how hard it is because they are gone (for a day or so).

    We were on a playdate a few days ago, and my girlfriend's husband was away for a few days. 4 days I think, a long weekend. She was up in arms! Ranting and raving about how hard it was for her to manage without her hubby home to pick up the slack. (It should be mentioned that she has 3 kids, all IN SCHOOL, and no extra curricular activities going on at the moment for those kids). I had to bite my tongue the whole time I was there! She went on and on about how she never had any time for herself. How it was so hard to get the kids out the door in time for school, do homework afterwards, and get them into bed without going insane. Seriously? I do all of that, without having the childless gap of "school hours" to regroup and compose my self. Time to myself? WTF is that?? I get 15 minutes MAX in the shower, and that's even a stretch, as usually someone bangs on the door having to pee or complain. That ME time, is trying to read in bed, and the book smacking me in the forehead when I fall asleep reading it. Your kids were in school for 6 hours! How much time did you need to do your daily stuff??

    I can't imagine what it would be like to have my husband home every night, helping out, and well... getting in my way. But seriously, just because you are married does not mean that you have to rely on your significant other for every little thing or decision. Do I miss my hubby when he's away. YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Do I pine for him every waking moment (he wishes I do, so I will say I miss him in my "inside voice"). I have enough confidence and trust in my partner and my marriage to know that if a major decision needs to be made, I can do it! I can tackle the hard stuff with enthusiasm only attributed to Moms. I can handle my family, and so can he if I happen to be away while he is home. I am not knocking having a balance of power and sharing of responsibilites in a marriage. It's essential. Vital. Necessary! But, you have to know how to stand on your own two feet if need be! We are modern women (and men, don't get me wrong, but for this rant, I'm picking on the women here) not the submissive housewives of our mothers and grandmothers era. My mom grew up in the 50's and 60's, where women either had a career or a family, but not both. You married, you had babies, you raised them. My Nana was a superwoman who raised 5 kids, including my Mama who gave BAD a whole new meaning! She worked from home, doing odd jobs, babysitting, maintaining a home. My Papa (Grampa) worked to support his family. Did he do chores, yes. Did he do everything because Nana need some "ME" time?? No way! Did Nana wait for Papa to come home to make most decisons, nope. Only when it came to the big stuff. Buying something new ( vaccuume salesmen feared my Nana), making major financial decisions (ask Dad when he gets home about summer camp) they worked together. The same goes in our household. It drives me absolutely BATTY when some of my girlfriends whine and cry because they can't stand to be away from their partners for any length of time. God forbid something ever happened to them! I don't think they would survive.
     When I get together with my friends, its to grow as a parent, not to listen to whining and complaining about how hard it is to do things on your own. Honey, that's my life! I have a great partner. He is my rock. He keeps my feet on the ground and my head from banging against the wall some days, but do I need him to hold my hand all day as I walk through life. No. We are independent people, living full and productive lives. Surrender your heart to your partner, not your mind! I guess what the whole point of this rant would be to tell all those women out there who complain when their partners are away... GET OVER IT! You are your own person, and someday you might have to do it on your own. Grow independent. Be a strong parent and know that you can love and support your partner, but not be tied to them at all moments of the day. Share your hearts, your love, your passion. Keep your own mind. If you truly are a functioning couple, you will know eachother well enough to make respectful decsions. Communicate. And enjoy the time you do have together. When I come to visit you, I want to hear about what we have in common, not about how much you miss your husband/other. This is Mommyhood! Not High School.
 Blessings.
 Tanya