I'm Tanya and I am a SuperMom. I homeschool two beautiful little girls; one in preschool, one starting grade 3, and we have one on the way. I adopted each one of my miracles and have never looked back. I am married to a wonderful man and he is very supportive of my homeschool plan. My husband works away from home. Normally, he's gone 14 days and home for 7. Sometimes it's double that depending on how the oil patch is... it's feast or famine in his line of work, so we take what we can, when we can. That leaves me being a single mom, with a really great paycheck. Money aside, it's a big job. I have little people that fall into the "special" category. That means a few extra appointments, extra effort in school planning and strategic planning of playdates. To make this even more complicated, we are Wiccan. Finding people to share my joys and failures with is a feat in itself. All of this is EXHAUSTING! I do the job of both traditonal parents. For 14 days in a row, I am a single mom. When I do find an outlet, in a playdate or some Mommytime with another adult, I don't want to hear about how much you miss your spouse and how hard it is because they are gone (for a day or so).
We were on a playdate a few days ago, and my girlfriend's husband was away for a few days. 4 days I think, a long weekend. She was up in arms! Ranting and raving about how hard it was for her to manage without her hubby home to pick up the slack. (It should be mentioned that she has 3 kids, all IN SCHOOL, and no extra curricular activities going on at the moment for those kids). I had to bite my tongue the whole time I was there! She went on and on about how she never had any time for herself. How it was so hard to get the kids out the door in time for school, do homework afterwards, and get them into bed without going insane. Seriously? I do all of that, without having the childless gap of "school hours" to regroup and compose my self. Time to myself? WTF is that?? I get 15 minutes MAX in the shower, and that's even a stretch, as usually someone bangs on the door having to pee or complain. That ME time, is trying to read in bed, and the book smacking me in the forehead when I fall asleep reading it. Your kids were in school for 6 hours! How much time did you need to do your daily stuff??
I can't imagine what it would be like to have my husband home every night, helping out, and well... getting in my way. But seriously, just because you are married does not mean that you have to rely on your significant other for every little thing or decision. Do I miss my hubby when he's away. YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Do I pine for him every waking moment (he wishes I do, so I will say I miss him in my "inside voice"). I have enough confidence and trust in my partner and my marriage to know that if a major decision needs to be made, I can do it! I can tackle the hard stuff with enthusiasm only attributed to Moms. I can handle my family, and so can he if I happen to be away while he is home. I am not knocking having a balance of power and sharing of responsibilites in a marriage. It's essential. Vital. Necessary! But, you have to know how to stand on your own two feet if need be! We are modern women (and men, don't get me wrong, but for this rant, I'm picking on the women here) not the submissive housewives of our mothers and grandmothers era. My mom grew up in the 50's and 60's, where women either had a career or a family, but not both. You married, you had babies, you raised them. My Nana was a superwoman who raised 5 kids, including my Mama who gave BAD a whole new meaning! She worked from home, doing odd jobs, babysitting, maintaining a home. My Papa (Grampa) worked to support his family. Did he do chores, yes. Did he do everything because Nana need some "ME" time?? No way! Did Nana wait for Papa to come home to make most decisons, nope. Only when it came to the big stuff. Buying something new ( vaccuume salesmen feared my Nana), making major financial decisions (ask Dad when he gets home about summer camp) they worked together. The same goes in our household. It drives me absolutely BATTY when some of my girlfriends whine and cry because they can't stand to be away from their partners for any length of time. God forbid something ever happened to them! I don't think they would survive.
When I get together with my friends, its to grow as a parent, not to listen to whining and complaining about how hard it is to do things on your own. Honey, that's my life! I have a great partner. He is my rock. He keeps my feet on the ground and my head from banging against the wall some days, but do I need him to hold my hand all day as I walk through life. No. We are independent people, living full and productive lives. Surrender your heart to your partner, not your mind! I guess what the whole point of this rant would be to tell all those women out there who complain when their partners are away... GET OVER IT! You are your own person, and someday you might have to do it on your own. Grow independent. Be a strong parent and know that you can love and support your partner, but not be tied to them at all moments of the day. Share your hearts, your love, your passion. Keep your own mind. If you truly are a functioning couple, you will know eachother well enough to make respectful decsions. Communicate. And enjoy the time you do have together. When I come to visit you, I want to hear about what we have in common, not about how much you miss your husband/other. This is Mommyhood! Not High School.
Blessings.
Tanya
We were on a playdate a few days ago, and my girlfriend's husband was away for a few days. 4 days I think, a long weekend. She was up in arms! Ranting and raving about how hard it was for her to manage without her hubby home to pick up the slack. (It should be mentioned that she has 3 kids, all IN SCHOOL, and no extra curricular activities going on at the moment for those kids). I had to bite my tongue the whole time I was there! She went on and on about how she never had any time for herself. How it was so hard to get the kids out the door in time for school, do homework afterwards, and get them into bed without going insane. Seriously? I do all of that, without having the childless gap of "school hours" to regroup and compose my self. Time to myself? WTF is that?? I get 15 minutes MAX in the shower, and that's even a stretch, as usually someone bangs on the door having to pee or complain. That ME time, is trying to read in bed, and the book smacking me in the forehead when I fall asleep reading it. Your kids were in school for 6 hours! How much time did you need to do your daily stuff??
I can't imagine what it would be like to have my husband home every night, helping out, and well... getting in my way. But seriously, just because you are married does not mean that you have to rely on your significant other for every little thing or decision. Do I miss my hubby when he's away. YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Do I pine for him every waking moment (he wishes I do, so I will say I miss him in my "inside voice"). I have enough confidence and trust in my partner and my marriage to know that if a major decision needs to be made, I can do it! I can tackle the hard stuff with enthusiasm only attributed to Moms. I can handle my family, and so can he if I happen to be away while he is home. I am not knocking having a balance of power and sharing of responsibilites in a marriage. It's essential. Vital. Necessary! But, you have to know how to stand on your own two feet if need be! We are modern women (and men, don't get me wrong, but for this rant, I'm picking on the women here) not the submissive housewives of our mothers and grandmothers era. My mom grew up in the 50's and 60's, where women either had a career or a family, but not both. You married, you had babies, you raised them. My Nana was a superwoman who raised 5 kids, including my Mama who gave BAD a whole new meaning! She worked from home, doing odd jobs, babysitting, maintaining a home. My Papa (Grampa) worked to support his family. Did he do chores, yes. Did he do everything because Nana need some "ME" time?? No way! Did Nana wait for Papa to come home to make most decisons, nope. Only when it came to the big stuff. Buying something new ( vaccuume salesmen feared my Nana), making major financial decisions (ask Dad when he gets home about summer camp) they worked together. The same goes in our household. It drives me absolutely BATTY when some of my girlfriends whine and cry because they can't stand to be away from their partners for any length of time. God forbid something ever happened to them! I don't think they would survive.
When I get together with my friends, its to grow as a parent, not to listen to whining and complaining about how hard it is to do things on your own. Honey, that's my life! I have a great partner. He is my rock. He keeps my feet on the ground and my head from banging against the wall some days, but do I need him to hold my hand all day as I walk through life. No. We are independent people, living full and productive lives. Surrender your heart to your partner, not your mind! I guess what the whole point of this rant would be to tell all those women out there who complain when their partners are away... GET OVER IT! You are your own person, and someday you might have to do it on your own. Grow independent. Be a strong parent and know that you can love and support your partner, but not be tied to them at all moments of the day. Share your hearts, your love, your passion. Keep your own mind. If you truly are a functioning couple, you will know eachother well enough to make respectful decsions. Communicate. And enjoy the time you do have together. When I come to visit you, I want to hear about what we have in common, not about how much you miss your husband/other. This is Mommyhood! Not High School.
Blessings.
Tanya