I read a post yesterday, and while I won't say that I completely think it is way out there, I also can't agree with it. The thing is, I've been thinking about it since, and I'd love to hear how some of my readers feel about it. I'd like to see where I stand in comparisson to others.
It was a comment on how sometimes you have to let your children hurt themselves for them to learn. Now, I don't necessarily agree with this, but I know I'm lucky to have a child who will listen when I speak and who understands if mommy says you'll burn your hand and cry and we might have to go to the hospital then she won't touch it. Or if I say "NO" in my loud angry voice it'll scare her enough not to do it again. Not all children work like that, but I have other ideas for them...
So I'm reading the post, and as it goes on I can see how she came to this conclusion. She asked a local moms group, and was told that if you make something dangerous a little safer (think jumping off the back of the couch meets soft pillows) then they will get a little bit hurt and not do it again. I'm not sure it works, but I could see the theory in it. However, would that not just prove to them they won't get very hurt so they can do it all the time? If I let my child jump off anything onto pillows I know that it would be a great new game and if the pillows weren't there one day it would be a whole other situation.
I also wonder what will happen when these children get older. Will they need to learn to wear a seatbelt by banging their head on the dashboard? Will they not be able to figure out not to get too drunk and ride on the hood of a car without actually doing it? I worry that setting up your children to learn only through hurting themselves sets them up for bigger and more serious injuries later. Please leave your comments on this matter as well, I'd like to understand more about how this works so I can calm my fears about it.
So then I started reading the comments. There are several arguments against slapping your child's hand because it could be tramatic, or because it's abusive as it's "hitting" them, and when reading the comments that is the first thing that entered my mind. Some of the women were commenting how they had let their child hurt themselves so they would learn and not do it again. Toddler reaching for your coffee? Don't slap their hand, but sure, let them dump hot coffee on their arm, as long as there is no lasting mark then clearly it wasn't wrong. I'd much rather a small slap (it's about the shock not meant to hurt) that I control then hot coffee on my child, but that's just me. Child keep reaching for the hot cookies out of the oven? Well then let them grab the pan, sure, it'll be ok. The comment was that it was a hot pan, but not scorching... I still don't see how this is any better then other options. I will admit that I've had it happen in my care, when I was babysitting, but at the age of 12 if a boy won't leave the cookies on the plate alone to cool, it's bound to happen, I can't take them to the washroom with me. Younger children around? I always put the hot cookies in a higher cupboard or kept them within arms reach of me. Now those children haven't burnt themselves a lot since, they learned that it wasn't safe to do because I told them and didn't let them do it. If it was safe, I surely would have let them!
On that note, I would like to know what you think. Is it better to let them hurt themselves? Do you just stay constantly vigilant until they give up and stop trying to do the things they get hurt doing? Do you slap their hand just a little or send them to their room? All comments and opinions welcome, but please keep it polite and no bashing or name calling, such comments will be removed.
It was a comment on how sometimes you have to let your children hurt themselves for them to learn. Now, I don't necessarily agree with this, but I know I'm lucky to have a child who will listen when I speak and who understands if mommy says you'll burn your hand and cry and we might have to go to the hospital then she won't touch it. Or if I say "NO" in my loud angry voice it'll scare her enough not to do it again. Not all children work like that, but I have other ideas for them...
So I'm reading the post, and as it goes on I can see how she came to this conclusion. She asked a local moms group, and was told that if you make something dangerous a little safer (think jumping off the back of the couch meets soft pillows) then they will get a little bit hurt and not do it again. I'm not sure it works, but I could see the theory in it. However, would that not just prove to them they won't get very hurt so they can do it all the time? If I let my child jump off anything onto pillows I know that it would be a great new game and if the pillows weren't there one day it would be a whole other situation.
I also wonder what will happen when these children get older. Will they need to learn to wear a seatbelt by banging their head on the dashboard? Will they not be able to figure out not to get too drunk and ride on the hood of a car without actually doing it? I worry that setting up your children to learn only through hurting themselves sets them up for bigger and more serious injuries later. Please leave your comments on this matter as well, I'd like to understand more about how this works so I can calm my fears about it.
So then I started reading the comments. There are several arguments against slapping your child's hand because it could be tramatic, or because it's abusive as it's "hitting" them, and when reading the comments that is the first thing that entered my mind. Some of the women were commenting how they had let their child hurt themselves so they would learn and not do it again. Toddler reaching for your coffee? Don't slap their hand, but sure, let them dump hot coffee on their arm, as long as there is no lasting mark then clearly it wasn't wrong. I'd much rather a small slap (it's about the shock not meant to hurt) that I control then hot coffee on my child, but that's just me. Child keep reaching for the hot cookies out of the oven? Well then let them grab the pan, sure, it'll be ok. The comment was that it was a hot pan, but not scorching... I still don't see how this is any better then other options. I will admit that I've had it happen in my care, when I was babysitting, but at the age of 12 if a boy won't leave the cookies on the plate alone to cool, it's bound to happen, I can't take them to the washroom with me. Younger children around? I always put the hot cookies in a higher cupboard or kept them within arms reach of me. Now those children haven't burnt themselves a lot since, they learned that it wasn't safe to do because I told them and didn't let them do it. If it was safe, I surely would have let them!
On that note, I would like to know what you think. Is it better to let them hurt themselves? Do you just stay constantly vigilant until they give up and stop trying to do the things they get hurt doing? Do you slap their hand just a little or send them to their room? All comments and opinions welcome, but please keep it polite and no bashing or name calling, such comments will be removed.