I happy to say that in my life I have been blessed with many friends. I have some who have made a huge difference in my life, either positively or negatively, and others who are just steady for the course and along for the ride. At different points in life I've needed different freinds and different things from those friends.
In high school I needed companionship and adventure.
In college I needed friendly competition and more adventure.
By university I needed a stable group with regular plans and lots of coffee.
In early parenthood I needed the combination of my old friends and mommy friends. Sometimes if you're really lucky one person is both of those.
When I broke up with my ex I needed my girl friends to console me and hang out with me so I wasn't bored at home all the time, and my guy friends to assure me there was nothing wrong with me and even make a little fun of my ex
Now I need friends to remind me of who I am and support me in whatever I feel I'm ready to do. Thankfully I have some :) I also have one or two who are never happy with what I do or how I do it.
I'm sure we all have had one of those friends along the way. Someone who is convinced they make better choices then you no matter what that choice is. The get a new car, and no matter what vehicle you choose to drive, it's not ever going to be as good as theirs. You bought new shoes? There was a better sale down the street, too bad you missed it. Your job is long hours and stressful, well theirs is worse AND they had to get a second one. Well, I have one of these, and I started to speak to her less and less because I was so very tired of always being questioned and treated like a child, only to find I have another one emerging.
This second one, I've never had these problems with her before. She helped me at work, she was supportive when I left that job, and we remained friends. When my ex left she chatted with me on the phone and even helped out with some food (who wants to cook when there's so much else to do!) and tried to help get me out of the house more often. Now, howeve,r her helpfulness has reached a new level. First, her break up was far worse then mine, of course. Her schedule is way busier then mine. Her job is horrible, but no way is she going to look for a new one. That's fine, I'll deal with it, after all we are friends and everyone needs to vent. Now she is dating, and I wasn't. Apparently that was wrong. So to be helpful she gives my number to a nice guy who might be interested. Then she adds her "advice" to the mix...I swear she has done everything possible to make sure that nothing ever became of my conversations with him. She has told him things not exactly true (and told me what he said too...) and told me things that seemed to be not exactly true, and told me more then once never to talk to him again when he has assured me that's not what he wanted. Now, I hate to say, she has helped put the final nail in that coffin,and I am certain I will never hear from him again, because even after all this I let peer preesure get to me and I sent a message I never should have sent. Often when messaging there is miscommunication and misunderstandings, and while these can usually be worked through, there needs to be conversation about it. This is not likely to happen now so there will be no repairing the situation. I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway, so it's my fault as much as anyone elses, I know, but still. Why give a friend bad advice and watch her crash and burn? It's ok though, halfway through our conversation about how this got all messed up for me, she had to share the news of her new boyfriend and tell me she wants to bring him to my big birthday party (3 girls so far...and apparently her date...) This finally annoyed me enough that I straight out said no, and I mean it, if she was planning that then she can go out with him and miss my party completely. Part of me was hoping she would. I'm happy that she's happy, however I am still hurt that she set me up then pushed me to fail. Now I'm being told by her that my plans for my birthday aren't good enough, that I need to find something else to do...I'm leaning towards planning a new party without her.
What to do with friends like this? Lay down the rules, set up the limits, and don't back down. Sure they usually mean to be helpful, but at some point you need to make your own decisions. It's all a part of growing your wings. Thankfully I have amazing and supportive friends to make up the difference!
In high school I needed companionship and adventure.
In college I needed friendly competition and more adventure.
By university I needed a stable group with regular plans and lots of coffee.
In early parenthood I needed the combination of my old friends and mommy friends. Sometimes if you're really lucky one person is both of those.
When I broke up with my ex I needed my girl friends to console me and hang out with me so I wasn't bored at home all the time, and my guy friends to assure me there was nothing wrong with me and even make a little fun of my ex
Now I need friends to remind me of who I am and support me in whatever I feel I'm ready to do. Thankfully I have some :) I also have one or two who are never happy with what I do or how I do it.
I'm sure we all have had one of those friends along the way. Someone who is convinced they make better choices then you no matter what that choice is. The get a new car, and no matter what vehicle you choose to drive, it's not ever going to be as good as theirs. You bought new shoes? There was a better sale down the street, too bad you missed it. Your job is long hours and stressful, well theirs is worse AND they had to get a second one. Well, I have one of these, and I started to speak to her less and less because I was so very tired of always being questioned and treated like a child, only to find I have another one emerging.
This second one, I've never had these problems with her before. She helped me at work, she was supportive when I left that job, and we remained friends. When my ex left she chatted with me on the phone and even helped out with some food (who wants to cook when there's so much else to do!) and tried to help get me out of the house more often. Now, howeve,r her helpfulness has reached a new level. First, her break up was far worse then mine, of course. Her schedule is way busier then mine. Her job is horrible, but no way is she going to look for a new one. That's fine, I'll deal with it, after all we are friends and everyone needs to vent. Now she is dating, and I wasn't. Apparently that was wrong. So to be helpful she gives my number to a nice guy who might be interested. Then she adds her "advice" to the mix...I swear she has done everything possible to make sure that nothing ever became of my conversations with him. She has told him things not exactly true (and told me what he said too...) and told me things that seemed to be not exactly true, and told me more then once never to talk to him again when he has assured me that's not what he wanted. Now, I hate to say, she has helped put the final nail in that coffin,and I am certain I will never hear from him again, because even after all this I let peer preesure get to me and I sent a message I never should have sent. Often when messaging there is miscommunication and misunderstandings, and while these can usually be worked through, there needs to be conversation about it. This is not likely to happen now so there will be no repairing the situation. I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway, so it's my fault as much as anyone elses, I know, but still. Why give a friend bad advice and watch her crash and burn? It's ok though, halfway through our conversation about how this got all messed up for me, she had to share the news of her new boyfriend and tell me she wants to bring him to my big birthday party (3 girls so far...and apparently her date...) This finally annoyed me enough that I straight out said no, and I mean it, if she was planning that then she can go out with him and miss my party completely. Part of me was hoping she would. I'm happy that she's happy, however I am still hurt that she set me up then pushed me to fail. Now I'm being told by her that my plans for my birthday aren't good enough, that I need to find something else to do...I'm leaning towards planning a new party without her.
What to do with friends like this? Lay down the rules, set up the limits, and don't back down. Sure they usually mean to be helpful, but at some point you need to make your own decisions. It's all a part of growing your wings. Thankfully I have amazing and supportive friends to make up the difference!