I am sad to say that so many people I know have been cheated on. However, I guess that means that it wasn't my fault he cheated, because I sure didn't make all those other guy cheat on their partners! Here's the sticky part though, what happens when your friends knew?
I had a friend once who I found out was cheating on her boyfriend. I had known them both for years, her much much longer, but still, this put me in a very awkward position. I spend hours going back and forth, but upon her mentioning her impending appointment and the tests being conducted, I felt that he should know. After all, this now wasn't just his feeling being hurt, but his health being threatened as well... So I did it. I betrayed my friend and I told him what she told me. Nothing more, I did not embelish, or add, just straight out "this is what she said" and let the chips fall where they did. I off course requested he not turn me in as the source of his information, which was thankfully respected, but I found after this my friendship with her was never the same. If she could do this to a man she loved, then what would she do to me? What happens behind my back? Needless to say, I watched to see if she was inappropriate with my boyfriends and eventually the friendship just drifted apart.
A few years later I learned that my boyfriend from that same time had been cheating on me. I wonder if it was with her... As I had already broken up with him that part wasn't an issue. There had been several reasons for the break up and his cheating ws only one of them, since I had no concrete proof. The more frustrating thing to learn was that my friends knew. Not only did they know, they covered for him. It seems as though they didn't want to be the one to hurt me by telling, but I can say our friendships suffered, even before I knew. They remained more distant, and everyone was careful what was said to me. It hurt to have them tell me 3 years down the road that they knew, that they helped him lie, and that they avoided ever even telling him they didn't like it. These were my friends, and they just let it happen!
What next? Are these the kind of friends I want around? Well we definitely don't spend time together like we did, but I can't find the energy or the time to hate them. They wanted to protect me, and while I think they did the wrong thing and that they helped him by not saying something to me, I can't blame them for his cheating. So what really was their crime? Being friends stuck in the middle? I lost a friend due to their cheating on someone else, and I'm not sure I have the right to expect them to do the same, however, I'm not sure how much I can trust them if they would keep such a big secret. I personally chose to just let it go. It was years later, I had moved on, and live was different. Some do not feel the same...
I now have a friend who learned her husband was cheating. She is angry. With everyone. I've now learned that not only has she cut out everyone involved (I firmly support that! If you cheated with my husband, you wouldn't be my friend either) but also those who knew. I support this as I remember the hurt when you know they knew, however I hope that she is dealing with it rather then just running from it. Further, she is remaining in contact with some people who knew, but not others... I wonder now if any of these friendships will remain in the long run, or if it is just being drawn out. I can't say if I think she's making the right choice, but I can hope it works the best for her healing.
One more friend, one more cheating mate... This one is so angry she is determined to make it known. I am now learning of her messaging his friends that knew and taking out her anger on them, telling their significant others they have moral issues as they should have told her. She has cut out all her friends who knew, the women who have supported her for years, are now targets for her anger and outbursts, as they couldn't find a way to tell her.
When men do wrong, when we get hurt, it is not our friends who need to suffer. We need them. I am confused though as to who those friends are if they know things aren't what they seem and don't tell me. I refuse to lose friends as well as love, and I won't take my anger out on others, but the confusion and the hurt are still there. Maybe it's worse to be betrayed by a friend then a boyfriend, maybe it takes longer to heal. Maybe the trust won't ever come back. I for one, am willing to try... Holding on to hurt and anger only stunts my growth and will slow down the growing of my wings.
I had a friend once who I found out was cheating on her boyfriend. I had known them both for years, her much much longer, but still, this put me in a very awkward position. I spend hours going back and forth, but upon her mentioning her impending appointment and the tests being conducted, I felt that he should know. After all, this now wasn't just his feeling being hurt, but his health being threatened as well... So I did it. I betrayed my friend and I told him what she told me. Nothing more, I did not embelish, or add, just straight out "this is what she said" and let the chips fall where they did. I off course requested he not turn me in as the source of his information, which was thankfully respected, but I found after this my friendship with her was never the same. If she could do this to a man she loved, then what would she do to me? What happens behind my back? Needless to say, I watched to see if she was inappropriate with my boyfriends and eventually the friendship just drifted apart.
A few years later I learned that my boyfriend from that same time had been cheating on me. I wonder if it was with her... As I had already broken up with him that part wasn't an issue. There had been several reasons for the break up and his cheating ws only one of them, since I had no concrete proof. The more frustrating thing to learn was that my friends knew. Not only did they know, they covered for him. It seems as though they didn't want to be the one to hurt me by telling, but I can say our friendships suffered, even before I knew. They remained more distant, and everyone was careful what was said to me. It hurt to have them tell me 3 years down the road that they knew, that they helped him lie, and that they avoided ever even telling him they didn't like it. These were my friends, and they just let it happen!
What next? Are these the kind of friends I want around? Well we definitely don't spend time together like we did, but I can't find the energy or the time to hate them. They wanted to protect me, and while I think they did the wrong thing and that they helped him by not saying something to me, I can't blame them for his cheating. So what really was their crime? Being friends stuck in the middle? I lost a friend due to their cheating on someone else, and I'm not sure I have the right to expect them to do the same, however, I'm not sure how much I can trust them if they would keep such a big secret. I personally chose to just let it go. It was years later, I had moved on, and live was different. Some do not feel the same...
I now have a friend who learned her husband was cheating. She is angry. With everyone. I've now learned that not only has she cut out everyone involved (I firmly support that! If you cheated with my husband, you wouldn't be my friend either) but also those who knew. I support this as I remember the hurt when you know they knew, however I hope that she is dealing with it rather then just running from it. Further, she is remaining in contact with some people who knew, but not others... I wonder now if any of these friendships will remain in the long run, or if it is just being drawn out. I can't say if I think she's making the right choice, but I can hope it works the best for her healing.
One more friend, one more cheating mate... This one is so angry she is determined to make it known. I am now learning of her messaging his friends that knew and taking out her anger on them, telling their significant others they have moral issues as they should have told her. She has cut out all her friends who knew, the women who have supported her for years, are now targets for her anger and outbursts, as they couldn't find a way to tell her.
When men do wrong, when we get hurt, it is not our friends who need to suffer. We need them. I am confused though as to who those friends are if they know things aren't what they seem and don't tell me. I refuse to lose friends as well as love, and I won't take my anger out on others, but the confusion and the hurt are still there. Maybe it's worse to be betrayed by a friend then a boyfriend, maybe it takes longer to heal. Maybe the trust won't ever come back. I for one, am willing to try... Holding on to hurt and anger only stunts my growth and will slow down the growing of my wings.