Recently I've had one of those moments that I thought for sure I'd left in high school. I actually got in an argument and exchanged unhappy words with one of my friends. It's happened more then once with the same person in the last month or so, which has caused me to put some space between us, I don't think it's healthy to spend a lot of time with someone I am arguing with, be it man or woman.
One of our disagreements stemmed from my life situation versus hers. A little over a year ago I was left by my significant other, a few weeks later so was she. I have a few other issues, but the main difference in our lives is my child. She doesn't have a child, which not only makes the break up much easier, but also makes finding a new relationship easier.
I am taking my time getting back to dating. I want to ensure that I am financially stable, that I have reliable child care, and that my health is good before I start dating and invite someone else into this. She started dating weeks after he left. That's fine, and I am in no way judging. It's great that she is moving on with her life. My problem is that she feels I should be doing the same. She has told me that our situations are very different, and that it's fine for her to be single because of what happened, however she's been pushing me for months to start dating. I don't think our situations are that different in the way we were left, other then I have an extra little person to care for. This means that not only am I busier, but that it is harder to meet people as well as even harder to meet someone who wants a relationship with someone who has a child.
Just as a quick reality check, when single women with no children try to date, it is MUCH easier then a single mom trying to do the same. We need to be more careful of who we meet, where we meet, and when we meet. We can't go from one "relationship" to another, we need to time the meeting of the children just right, as well as when to mention them at all. This is no easy task! We can't just go home from work, shower, and go out with some guy we saw at the grocery store. We need to come home and prepare a meal for everyone in the house, bath and dress a child for bed, then we can focus on ourselves. Even if you can find a good sitter, trying to get ready with a child pulling on your clothes, asking questions, and crying when you leave, makes it so much harder to do.
Not to mention the guilt. Moms need time too, time to spend with other adults and be just ourselves instead of someones mom for just a few hours. Somehow though, it is a lot easier to justify leaving your child with someone else for a girls night then it is for a date. Dating seems selfish, scary, hard, and ultimately time consuming. I will date, when I'm ready. I will meet him where I meet him, I will date in a way I feel comfortable, and I will see what happens then. Please don't tell me I'm doing it wrong, this isn't my first time. It's hard to find someone to help grow my wings.