It's been years. I've been single for so long, that I've just adjusted to it. Now I wonder if maybe that just isn't enough. After everything how am I supposed to know how to start over? How to trust? I don't know how I am supposed to put everything behind me, all my mistakes and misjudgements.
When it comes to that one more try, starting over, I wonder if my trust issues lie with others or with myself. Is it that I don't trust the men I meet, or is it that I don't trust myself to pick the right one? I feel as though I've been picking the wrong men for so long that I obviously don't know how to see the warning signs or to trust my instinct enough to see what's wrong. Therefore, how can I trust myself to get it right the next time? Or at least the time after that...
Well, I can't. I also can't not trust myself because that just leads to lonely, bored, and secluded. If I don't trust myself for that then it won't be long until I can't trust myself to choose my own clothes or food either. I know it seems a stretch, but things are a slippery slope and I'd rather not start that way. I need to regain my own trust and remember that I have great instincts as long as I trust them more then I trust others, and that I am the only one who truly knows what is right for me. Trust is earned though, and I'm not sure how to prove to myself that I deserve it...This will be a whole new adventure!
From there I can learn to trust others, and to look for someone else who will help me along the way. I can trust myself to find companionship and maybe even love one day, but I must be willing to let it in if I'm going to expect to find it. I can't look for love and then deny it, or fail to trust it. There are honest and trustworthy people out there, and my instincts must learn to find them!
Learning to trust myself before I can learn to trust others is all just part of growing my wings.
When it comes to that one more try, starting over, I wonder if my trust issues lie with others or with myself. Is it that I don't trust the men I meet, or is it that I don't trust myself to pick the right one? I feel as though I've been picking the wrong men for so long that I obviously don't know how to see the warning signs or to trust my instinct enough to see what's wrong. Therefore, how can I trust myself to get it right the next time? Or at least the time after that...
Well, I can't. I also can't not trust myself because that just leads to lonely, bored, and secluded. If I don't trust myself for that then it won't be long until I can't trust myself to choose my own clothes or food either. I know it seems a stretch, but things are a slippery slope and I'd rather not start that way. I need to regain my own trust and remember that I have great instincts as long as I trust them more then I trust others, and that I am the only one who truly knows what is right for me. Trust is earned though, and I'm not sure how to prove to myself that I deserve it...This will be a whole new adventure!
From there I can learn to trust others, and to look for someone else who will help me along the way. I can trust myself to find companionship and maybe even love one day, but I must be willing to let it in if I'm going to expect to find it. I can't look for love and then deny it, or fail to trust it. There are honest and trustworthy people out there, and my instincts must learn to find them!
Learning to trust myself before I can learn to trust others is all just part of growing my wings.