Are you sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring? Here are my tried and true methods to make that happen. These are often the only times the phone ever rings!
-Go outside and shovel snow or mow the lawn
-Try to have a shower
-Let the batter on each cordless phone die and put them on the chargers
-Run to the mailbox
-Brush your teeth
-Eat something, the more often your mouth is full the more likely the phone will ring
-Babysit, or have your own kid have a tempertantrum
-Get involved in a good book at least 2 or 3 room away from any phone
-Turn up the music
It has occurred to me that if this blog is to include adventures in dating the. I'd best be off doing some dating!! Just so you know I haven't been slacking off completely I'm going to share a rundown of my last years worth of interactions that are close to dating, and you can decide if they count for anything or not :)
I have been on 3 almost dates. Yup, 3!! In a year. Hmmmm it's even sadder written down then it was in my head.
One was with an old friend who seemed to have other ideas. A little bit of hinting and some light flirting, no contact, and a couple hours later I was home.
One was with someone I had a planned date with, when we ended up at a friends place together. Watched a movie, a little bit of sitting close together and shyly waitin for the other person to reach out a hand... Yup, I'm too old for that, but it was fun :)
One "date", dinner and a movie and some chatting and learning about each other. Some cuddling, but no kiss goodnight, so I'm not sure it counts as a full date.
And two texting flirtmances. One that ended up in a night hanging out in a group setting, a few hand brushes and some flirting, then back to texting! Nothing here either... Then one more flirtmance that I had hope for, but it just never went farther then that and fell apart quickly.
So I guess I've tried to go out and have adventures and dates to share, but I just can't seem to get there. I promise not to give up, I just seem to be having my crushes and such on the wrong people, though that doesn't mean I don't look down those roads just to see ;)
Time to expand my horizons, try new things, meet new people!
I've decided there are some places where it's ok to meet a new guy, and some where it just isn't cool.
Pharmacy -who knows why they are there, and I know I sure don't look my best
Good Friends - if it doesn't work your friend has to decide who to hang out with all the time
Bar -I think this is obvious
Dentist -you know they care about their oral health, less bad breath ;)
Grocery store -and you get an insight into what they eat like and some habits
Library -he reads!!
Museum -he'd be willing to go to those kinds of places with you
I'm not perfect. But surprise!! Either is anyone else. One of my goals for myself is to be a good friend. I know that I used to be, I was always there when people needed to talk, and to lend a helping hand when I could, and now it seems harder to do. Why?
My friends are not telling me when they need me. They are not telling me what is happening in their lives, they are not telling me if something has made them sad or worried, and I just can't help when they dont' tell me. I can't just know things.
When I do see that something has gone wrong I call, or I text, or I try to check in. The responses I receive? Little to none. Usually none. I'm not sure what to do...
I want to be a good friend. I want to help. I care about my friends and I want them to know that. What am I to do? Honestly, post your hints, please. I don't want to be a bad friend. I miss my friends, seeing them and chatting with them and knowing what is going on. Whatever you suggest (as long as it is reasonable) I will try.
For my friends if you can see this, I am still here. I have not left. I miss you all, and I'm here when you need me.
Here is the pattern. Bad hair day = passing many cute men around town. Good hair day = no cute men anywhere I go.
In a world full of real problems, this is minor and a little laughable. In a world where I don't want to be alone forever, it is mildly annoying. I am left to decide in the morning if I should leave my hair messy or imperfect in hopes of bumping into a nice young man, or style my hair so I feel better about myself and carry more confidence, but know that I will likely not run across anyone who will properly enjoy it.
I wish all my problems were of this calibre, however, it seems almost impossible to solve...
We all have our own set of red flags. I'm going to share some that I've run into lately. These are things that may seem small, or may reach out and slap you in the face, but either way I want nothing to do with them.
-when you tell him you can't go, he tells you ways you should get around it, or even tries to remove the obstacle yourself (like talking to my family to find me a sitter when I said I can't go, even though I've only met him a few times...)
-when you can't make it exactly when and where they want they are snide or rude about it, or announce you won't be speaking again, either for a while or ever
-tell you that they don't want to talk to you agian, avoid you for months or years, then act like you are best friends
-lie about drinking
-tell you not to be jealous when you have no intentions of it or reason to be (I had a guy tell me not to be jealous when we hadn't even been on a date yet, and he was just hanging out with a friend) Why do they need to be so defensive?
-lie about other women. This can go either way, they may lie about who someone is if you now different, either say she's family when she's not, or say she's a date when she's not. Either way, it's a lie
-lie about little things that don't matter, they will likely lie about big things too
-assume that you are angry or "attacking" them when you are making a simple comment or observation. If they are overly defensive I"ve found they have a reason to be
-judge and insult others, especially women, harshly when they don't know them, or when they don't know you very well. In my experience they will judge you, especially if you change at all (hair, weight, habits)
-call you or text you late at night, especially after you've asked them not too. This is just inconsiderate and I've seen it spill over into other parts of life frequently
-insults your weight, even if he tries to make it look like he's joking. This also works for other things that are upsetting to you, such as insulting your intelligence, or "joking" about all the things you can't do. Some couples joke and tease in a relationship, but if you are just learning about each other or if it is constant it can become very poisonious
These are just a few of the red flags I've encout
I thought I had a few good friends, and some ok friends, and some aquatiences. This week I am learning more and more who my real friends are, who my sometimes friends are, and who isn't as good a friend as I thought.
Apparently I am better friends, or thought I was better friends, with a few people then they think. I rather wish I had known before I put in so much effort. I have tried to maintain friendships but when it's all one way then it won't work anyway. I feel like I am putting effort into things and getting nothing back.
Women have some shows and parties. It happens. We get pulled in by the offer of free stuff! I try to always go to theirs, and when it's something I will use I try to always order. I don't always receive invites, but when I do I go :) Do they ever come to mine? Nope! Oh and the excuses! OR the plain ignoring me that goes on after. Just grow up and tell me the truth. "I'm not interested" "I'm in the city and won't get home" or, I'm sure the most common but never mentioned "I completely forgot!" Nope, I get blown off. Rude. Inconsiderate. Even hurtful. Will I go to thir next one? Probably, if only to network and have a night out. I won't be purchasing anything not completely necessary though!
Friends share information, highs and lows, and like talking and chatting. When I have to always call them, or text them, or leave them messages, then I begin to feel that they don't really want to talk to me, so are we really friends? I learn things through others, or I infer from the clues that are in front of me, or I see things on Facebook. Why then would I share my news or anything with them? Maybe that's their whole point. Guess I'll stop sharing! They tell other people though, and go to other people's home parties, and call and text other people...I can live with that, but then when I talk to you less, then please don't tell me I'm your best friend and you miss me. That's not true and we both know it. Call me or don't call me, that's how I know!
I do have a lot of good friends. I have friends that I am lucky to have and I speak to them almost daily. I'm going to focus on them, they are happy to hear from me, and they share their news :) I'm looking for new friends still too, and new things to do. A larger circle offer
Well, after about a year and a half of "deciding" what I wanted to do with my hair, I just went out and did something. I've been trimming my bangs in my bathroom mirror and every once in a while I'd convince a friend to trim off the split ends. That's ok for a while, but eventually you just need to go out and get pampered and have it cut.
So, I took about 5 minutes when I got to the new salon (scary enough to be somewhere new!) and found a picture in a book that I liked, and jumped right in. Surprisingly enough, in the end I learned there are a few ways I can style it, one being like the book that I liked and the other being a style I had seen on TV that I admired last week. That made me even happier, it's like a two for one!
There's something about a new haircut that makes me want to review everything. Am I wearing the right clothes? Maybe it's time for some new make up... I definitely want to make sure that I'm showing the right image, that I'm being true to myself and that I can like how I look. It's time to go back to being a little more professional, a little more fun, and maybe even feel a little younger looking. Something about a new hairstyle is exciting and adventurous. This week might be full of new ideas now :)
I'm feeling confident and attractive. I feel lke it suits me better. I feel more fun. This was a great decision! Also, what woman doesn't love being pampered and taken care of for a while, while someone else makes you look pretty. I think this could be the start of a new adventure!
I feel that it is perfectly acceptable for a man to cry, but the really should cry like a MAN not a simpering child. When watching a man blubber over having to sue his mommy I can only wonder how he thought it was going to turn out. If you don't want to sue your mom, don't. Honestly, she probably spent enough money on you over the years to more then make up for whatever amount you've shared back!
Then there's the men at funerals, or hospitals, or other situations where it is acceptable to be sad and shed a tear, but they are "manly" and don't cry. Well, some women like that, they don't want a man who cries all the time, and that is their own choice, but I personally feel there is a time and place for almost everything and a man who can quietly mourn a family member is showing that he cares. Go ahead, but cry like a man.
Slow tears, ok, waterfall and runny nose, please save it until you're alone! Even a few quiet sobs are acceptable sometimes, but whiney blubbery noises takes it just a little to far... When a woman looks at you and sees a child rather then a full grown adult, it can change how they see you forever. We don't want another child to look after, and we sure don't want to worry you will break out into huge racking sobs in a movie. Please don't forget, if you need to blow your nose like a fog horn, do it in the bathroom!
You can call it a double standard if you want too, but for my own part, if I cry in public I try to keep it lowkey as well. I don't see why a woman would be a screeching bawling person with others around, but sometimes, in private, it's good to fall apart so you can put yourself back together.
I guess all I'm saying is, if you make a choice be a man and deal with it, and if you have to cry, cry
I've been wondering what it is about me that makes it so hard to make new friends, and harder to meet men. Tonight it occurred to me that it is an extension of my being shy.
I have worked on being approachable, an even tried to become comfortable starting conversations, but I don't feel comfortable asking people questions. Part of it is how I was raised, the other just that I'm shy and don't want to offend, the last part being that I don't want to ask the wrong question and create tension.
It occurred to me that my inability to properly ask questions has hindered my social life. People likely assume that I'm jot interested or don't care, when really simply trying not to offend them. This is one thing I need to work on.
The other has plagued me for years, since jr high at least! I tend to follow or participate in more then one conversation, or get distracted by things happening around me. This can cause confusion as make me look rude when a question is asked or a statement made and I am still replying to the last one I heard. The wrong person always feels that my comment was directed to them, and a solid and positive response to one statement can come across as rude or insulting to another. Even worse is when I'm being sarcastic to one of my friends when joking around an an innocent bystander who happened to ask a question feels I was responding to them... This always makes me feel horrible and embarrassed, yet it's happened more then once.
These are things I will now take an active stance on correcting and working on. I don't want people to think I'm someone I'm not, and I spend most of my days with people doing my best to be kind and I go out of my way not to be insulting or rude. Guess I haven't been doing a good enough job!
It also doesn't help that I get nervous around new people, or even people ive not seen in years. Here's hopin people are understanding and kind enough to look past that and get to know the real me.