We've all seen those TV shows where they try so hard but things just keep happening, like Mad About You when they try to go out on a Sunday and end up trapped in the apartment by the gay pride parade with a failed fancy supper and a newspaper. Or we've read and studied the classic plays in high school, the comic tragedy and the things that happen that no one ever hears about. Had Romeo and Julliet talked more and planned less maybe it would have turned out differently...
I am in no way comparing my life to such great works of literature (ok, maybe Mad About You isn't great literature, but it makes me smile so it's still great) but I still wonder if the same principle apply. I recently started a "relationship" over Facebook and texting, that didn't ever become an actual relationship. This could have been for many reasons: we didn't mesh right, one of us said something and it came across wrong, we are too differnet, the interest just wasn't there...the list could go on for pages. There are always so many reasons for something to not work out, but is it possible that sometimes it is completly outside forces and a 'comedy' of errors, none of which seem so comedic when it's your life?
We had plans to meet at least 3 times, and each time something came up. One was a communication misunderstanding, then I got sick, then a message got delivered too late (thank you cell phone networks!), the timing seemed hard to get between our schedules. Some reasons seemed a little thinner then others, but walked that line of being just likely and valid enough that you can't be sure if it was true and valid or if it was a made up excuse. However, part of me was just fine the way things were, I got to flirt a bit, I got some compliments, etc...It was nice, a pleasant distraction when the day was going poorly, and it was great to have someone to share the random happy moments in the day with too. However, things just happened.
I noticed that I was starting all the conversations, which was a complete opposite of how it started, but I figured he put in so much effort at the start that it was just time to carry my own weight, and lets be honest, sometimes you just have nothing to say. I decided that since we weren't actually anything then it was fine, everything seemed fine when we were chatting, so I glossed it over. Then there were a few days with no contact at all, which I assumed was because we were both busy or had nothing worth talking about, we had been chatting for months so it was bound to happen, I know I don't talk to most of my other friends weekly never mind daily.Then another missed meeting. A chat that seemed fine. And suddenly I'm restricted on said man's FaceBook page. Ok. This could be a mistake or it could be a sign that I need to leave him alone. A mutual friend stepped in and said it was a blow off and he was too shy to say it to me directly, but we talked the day before I saw it and we talked afterward. SO I went against my instincts and let my friend get in my head "confront him, ask him, you need to know what's up" Now, I didn't NEED to know, I figured it was a mistake or it didn't matter, either we would be friend, we would grow to more then friendship, or we wouldn't be either. These choices all seemed fine and I didn't see any reason to get worked up. However, the drama touched me too often and I caved. I discussed things nicely and it was fine, then said straight out "what's up with this? I'm being told...." well, I didn't want to, and I regretted it the second I said it, then we talked about 2 more sentences and I've heard nothing since. Yup, that was the end of it all. Drama does that.
The funny thing is I hate drama and was going to wait it out, or decide if I wanted to try and fix whatever the gap was. Now that's not up to me at all. I guess I could make contact, but it seems ridiculous at this point, let him come to me if he wants and if he doesn't then that's that. However, the person with the drama, I don't talk to her much any more either, and I don't plan on it. I don't need to be told how to feel or what to do. I'm all growed up! It feels good to walk away from drama, I've never liked it and I sure don't need it now. Two lost friendships, possibely a delayed or lost relationship, and all I learned was the same lesson from high school, do what feels right to you because no one else knows the situation like you do. Go figure. School taught me something I needed years later, good job education!
Today I am wondering if I have my foot so far in my mouth that food won't fit, as I logged into my FB account and learned that there have been changes to the friends lists, and some of mine are in groups I don't remember putting them in, that they shouldn't be in, but when I go to change them their profile doesn't show them as in that list at all...that means I'm not seeing their updates and they can't see mine, hmmmm that sounds familiar. So maybe after all this it's possible he didn't block me, that it was all coincidences that kept us from meeting, and that this could all have been avoided. I'm going to not think about it while I eat some ice cream.
I am in no way comparing my life to such great works of literature (ok, maybe Mad About You isn't great literature, but it makes me smile so it's still great) but I still wonder if the same principle apply. I recently started a "relationship" over Facebook and texting, that didn't ever become an actual relationship. This could have been for many reasons: we didn't mesh right, one of us said something and it came across wrong, we are too differnet, the interest just wasn't there...the list could go on for pages. There are always so many reasons for something to not work out, but is it possible that sometimes it is completly outside forces and a 'comedy' of errors, none of which seem so comedic when it's your life?
We had plans to meet at least 3 times, and each time something came up. One was a communication misunderstanding, then I got sick, then a message got delivered too late (thank you cell phone networks!), the timing seemed hard to get between our schedules. Some reasons seemed a little thinner then others, but walked that line of being just likely and valid enough that you can't be sure if it was true and valid or if it was a made up excuse. However, part of me was just fine the way things were, I got to flirt a bit, I got some compliments, etc...It was nice, a pleasant distraction when the day was going poorly, and it was great to have someone to share the random happy moments in the day with too. However, things just happened.
I noticed that I was starting all the conversations, which was a complete opposite of how it started, but I figured he put in so much effort at the start that it was just time to carry my own weight, and lets be honest, sometimes you just have nothing to say. I decided that since we weren't actually anything then it was fine, everything seemed fine when we were chatting, so I glossed it over. Then there were a few days with no contact at all, which I assumed was because we were both busy or had nothing worth talking about, we had been chatting for months so it was bound to happen, I know I don't talk to most of my other friends weekly never mind daily.Then another missed meeting. A chat that seemed fine. And suddenly I'm restricted on said man's FaceBook page. Ok. This could be a mistake or it could be a sign that I need to leave him alone. A mutual friend stepped in and said it was a blow off and he was too shy to say it to me directly, but we talked the day before I saw it and we talked afterward. SO I went against my instincts and let my friend get in my head "confront him, ask him, you need to know what's up" Now, I didn't NEED to know, I figured it was a mistake or it didn't matter, either we would be friend, we would grow to more then friendship, or we wouldn't be either. These choices all seemed fine and I didn't see any reason to get worked up. However, the drama touched me too often and I caved. I discussed things nicely and it was fine, then said straight out "what's up with this? I'm being told...." well, I didn't want to, and I regretted it the second I said it, then we talked about 2 more sentences and I've heard nothing since. Yup, that was the end of it all. Drama does that.
The funny thing is I hate drama and was going to wait it out, or decide if I wanted to try and fix whatever the gap was. Now that's not up to me at all. I guess I could make contact, but it seems ridiculous at this point, let him come to me if he wants and if he doesn't then that's that. However, the person with the drama, I don't talk to her much any more either, and I don't plan on it. I don't need to be told how to feel or what to do. I'm all growed up! It feels good to walk away from drama, I've never liked it and I sure don't need it now. Two lost friendships, possibely a delayed or lost relationship, and all I learned was the same lesson from high school, do what feels right to you because no one else knows the situation like you do. Go figure. School taught me something I needed years later, good job education!
Today I am wondering if I have my foot so far in my mouth that food won't fit, as I logged into my FB account and learned that there have been changes to the friends lists, and some of mine are in groups I don't remember putting them in, that they shouldn't be in, but when I go to change them their profile doesn't show them as in that list at all...that means I'm not seeing their updates and they can't see mine, hmmmm that sounds familiar. So maybe after all this it's possible he didn't block me, that it was all coincidences that kept us from meeting, and that this could all have been avoided. I'm going to not think about it while I eat some ice cream.