Have you ever noticed that when a guy says he hates something, he's likely doing it all the time? A guy who swears every day he hates men who hit women, when they declare it over and over, probably do, or have. Someone who says they hate drugs more then anything in the world, when you're not even talking or thinking about it, probably so drug involved they don't know what they are saying.
So, when I mentioned to a friend that a mutual acuantence made me feel uncomfortable an weirded out (yup, when I'm not looking for perfection in writing I use lots of fun words, an my daily usage is even worse!) I figured it's my fiend I'll be honest. So...of course...the guy who weirds me out makes a HuGE deal of it. So now I'm seeing signs that maybe this guy is worse then I had thought. I figured just a decent guy with boundary issues, now I'm leaning towards something worse.
When a woman says casually that he stands too close or is too touchy feely, it likely means just that. When a guy says she's wrong, she has no right to say that, he's going to tell everyone that knows either of them a whole different story then what she's saying, he comes off as overreactive and guilty. Guilty of things she didn't even say he did. He now sounds like he is hiding something, and more of a fuss, the more he is hiding. Use this as a warning!
This seems to be fairly common. When no wrong doing is intended then accusations or comments are usually greeted with an apology for any misunderstanding and a declaration I miscommunication and the problem is over. Avoidance is also a popular choice, if you make me uncomfortable I just won't be around you. By making that impossible or very difficult, by trying to keep contact, they are becoming more inappropriate and almost stalkerish. This does not mean they will become a stalker, it simply means that I would see the potential there and tread carefully. That is why stalking begins, it is a desperate and illegal attempt to keep contact with the person. It also becomes clear that they realize they DID do something wrong, or why would they mention it to anyone? If someone approached my friend and said I had called them a name or invited them to join in certain activities not only would my friends have a laugh, but when I heard I would laugh as well. I wouldn't jump up and down and yell from the roof tops that they are wrong, I would have a giggle, figure out what gave them that impression, possibly apologize for the confusion, and move on with life. I woul know that everyone around me knows it's simply lot true, and nothing else would change.
Over denial is a sign of guilt. Perhaps they are not guilty of everything, perhaps thu didn't mean to come across that way, but at some point in time they have done something very similar that was not ok. They now know that they behave in a way that is not ok sometimes and they overcompensate through denial.
So the moral of the story is, if a guy offers a denial or hatred of certain behaviors those are the behaviors you should be most wary of and look out for them carefully, they are likely to arise soon and worse then you expect!
Good luck out there :)
So, when I mentioned to a friend that a mutual acuantence made me feel uncomfortable an weirded out (yup, when I'm not looking for perfection in writing I use lots of fun words, an my daily usage is even worse!) I figured it's my fiend I'll be honest. So...of course...the guy who weirds me out makes a HuGE deal of it. So now I'm seeing signs that maybe this guy is worse then I had thought. I figured just a decent guy with boundary issues, now I'm leaning towards something worse.
When a woman says casually that he stands too close or is too touchy feely, it likely means just that. When a guy says she's wrong, she has no right to say that, he's going to tell everyone that knows either of them a whole different story then what she's saying, he comes off as overreactive and guilty. Guilty of things she didn't even say he did. He now sounds like he is hiding something, and more of a fuss, the more he is hiding. Use this as a warning!
This seems to be fairly common. When no wrong doing is intended then accusations or comments are usually greeted with an apology for any misunderstanding and a declaration I miscommunication and the problem is over. Avoidance is also a popular choice, if you make me uncomfortable I just won't be around you. By making that impossible or very difficult, by trying to keep contact, they are becoming more inappropriate and almost stalkerish. This does not mean they will become a stalker, it simply means that I would see the potential there and tread carefully. That is why stalking begins, it is a desperate and illegal attempt to keep contact with the person. It also becomes clear that they realize they DID do something wrong, or why would they mention it to anyone? If someone approached my friend and said I had called them a name or invited them to join in certain activities not only would my friends have a laugh, but when I heard I would laugh as well. I wouldn't jump up and down and yell from the roof tops that they are wrong, I would have a giggle, figure out what gave them that impression, possibly apologize for the confusion, and move on with life. I woul know that everyone around me knows it's simply lot true, and nothing else would change.
Over denial is a sign of guilt. Perhaps they are not guilty of everything, perhaps thu didn't mean to come across that way, but at some point in time they have done something very similar that was not ok. They now know that they behave in a way that is not ok sometimes and they overcompensate through denial.
So the moral of the story is, if a guy offers a denial or hatred of certain behaviors those are the behaviors you should be most wary of and look out for them carefully, they are likely to arise soon and worse then you expect!
Good luck out there :)