I feel that it is perfectly acceptable for a man to cry, but the really should cry like a MAN not a simpering child. When watching a man blubber over having to sue his mommy I can only wonder how he thought it was going to turn out. If you don't want to sue your mom, don't. Honestly, she probably spent enough money on you over the years to more then make up for whatever amount you've shared back!
Then there's the men at funerals, or hospitals, or other situations where it is acceptable to be sad and shed a tear, but they are "manly" and don't cry. Well, some women like that, they don't want a man who cries all the time, and that is their own choice, but I personally feel there is a time and place for almost everything and a man who can quietly mourn a family member is showing that he cares. Go ahead, but cry like a man.
Slow tears, ok, waterfall and runny nose, please save it until you're alone! Even a few quiet sobs are acceptable sometimes, but whiney blubbery noises takes it just a little to far... When a woman looks at you and sees a child rather then a full grown adult, it can change how they see you forever. We don't want another child to look after, and we sure don't want to worry you will break out into huge racking sobs in a movie. Please don't forget, if you need to blow your nose like a fog horn, do it in the bathroom!
You can call it a double standard if you want too, but for my own part, if I cry in public I try to keep it lowkey as well. I don't see why a woman would be a screeching bawling person with others around, but sometimes, in private, it's good to fall apart so you can put yourself back together.
I guess all I'm saying is, if you make a choice be a man and deal with it, and if you have to cry, cry
I've been wondering what it is about me that makes it so hard to make new friends, and harder to meet men. Tonight it occurred to me that it is an extension of my being shy.
I have worked on being approachable, an even tried to become comfortable starting conversations, but I don't feel comfortable asking people questions. Part of it is how I was raised, the other just that I'm shy and don't want to offend, the last part being that I don't want to ask the wrong question and create tension.
It occurred to me that my inability to properly ask questions has hindered my social life. People likely assume that I'm jot interested or don't care, when really simply trying not to offend them. This is one thing I need to work on.
The other has plagued me for years, since jr high at least! I tend to follow or participate in more then one conversation, or get distracted by things happening around me. This can cause confusion as make me look rude when a question is asked or a statement made and I am still replying to the last one I heard. The wrong person always feels that my comment was directed to them, and a solid and positive response to one statement can come across as rude or insulting to another. Even worse is when I'm being sarcastic to one of my friends when joking around an an innocent bystander who happened to ask a question feels I was responding to them... This always makes me feel horrible and embarrassed, yet it's happened more then once.
These are things I will now take an active stance on correcting and working on. I don't want people to think I'm someone I'm not, and I spend most of my days with people doing my best to be kind and I go out of my way not to be insulting or rude. Guess I haven't been doing a good enough job!
It also doesn't help that I get nervous around new people, or even people ive not seen in years. Here's hopin people are understanding and kind enough to look past that and get to know the real me.
Well, I don't NEED a man. Sometimes I want the companionship, and someone to tell my secrets too, but it's not necessary. SO, since I'm just looking for something casual and nothing serious, I can open up where I meet people. Some of my ideas this week are pretty fun :)
1. I need to get a dog. I watch all sorts of guys walking dogs past my window every day. Now, this is clearly an investment, and I'll probably need something bigger then a teacup if I want a real man, but it seems like a great idea in theory
2. Grocery Stores. Not in the baby isle or the womens area, probably in produce or meat. Men like to buy a lot of meat for the BBQ right?
3. Coffee places. Tim Hortons, Second Cup, 7-11. There's coffee everywhere and where there's coffee there's people who work and need it, and that means there will be employed men.
4. Fast Food places. This is a surefire place to find single men. We all know they don't want to cook every day, so they have to be there sometime!
5. The gym? Wow. I will suggest this for other women, but don't expect to see me there.
6. Golf Course. It's just a fact that a lot of men go to the golf course, so if I grab a bucket of balls and hit the driving range maybe some helpful male will come help with my swing :) (thank you TV's show Mistress for getting me thinking of this one!)
7. Car Parts or Repair places. I have no intenions of paying to have my car fixed when it doesn't need it, but when it does break down it wouldn't hurt to get a little extra from the trip
8. Garbage or Recycle trucks. Say what you want, they work for the town or municipality (think good pay, benefits, and job security) plus they are often done work and home by 3 pm.
9. Sports Places. Pubs, bars, lounges. Rock climbing, archery range, bowling ally... The list can go on and on
10. Pet Stores. All these dog-walking men have to be buying dog food so
It is my opinion that if a man does something once, then he will do it again. It is important to be careful how you enter into a relationship as that may be the same way you leave it.
If he cheats on her with you, he will likely cheat in you.
If he leaves her for you, he can leave you for someone else.
If he takes the time to get to know you and appreciates what is great about you, he will put in an effort to make it work later too.
These are of course my own opinions and observations, I've done no scientific research or studies, but I've seen it over and over. My friends who have cheated have done so repeatedly, never just once. The man who left me for another also left her for someone else, and the man who left a serious relationship in haste one night also packed up and left me while I was running an errand. These are patterns, not random occurrences. That is his pattern of behavior.
Take a few days to learn about your next crush, ask how his relationships have started or ended, does he have a bad pattern? That doesn't mean that he can't ever turn around, or that he's a bad person, but it does mean there's an increased chance it'll happen to you. If he sneaks outbid his house at night to be with you, then watch carefully for one day it'll be you he's sneaking away from.
I also have left most relationships the same way, in my own pattern. I try an talk it out, I try and fix it myself, I wait too long and I leave when it's too late. Except that one, but that was extreme circumstances... Do you have your own pattern? Knowing ourselves can help us be more aware and notice things in others more easily.
The next person I date will have to be a good "breaker-upper" so at least if it ends, it won't destroy the trust and faith in people I have just rebuilt.
So I got invited to do something with some new people, they want me to fill in on their sports team for a week or two, when someone is unable to go. I am considering it as this is the only sport I was actually good at (there's a couple I say I was good at, but other people will likely disagree with my assessment) and I do enjoy playing... However, this means spending a couple hours with a group of people I don't know, and possibly making a fool of myself because it's been so long since I quit. I'm talking years here, not just a few months. This has the potential of embarassment all over it!
I did say I would think about it, and check my schedule. All the popular stalling techniques. Then I was handed the inevitable phone number with the instructions "call me" This made me hesitate for a second, for two reasons:
1. I didn't actually know people called anyone anymore, besides me and my friends long chats, it's definitely dying out
& 2. this means I will actually have to make a decision, because he is expecting a phone call.
Upon further discussion the offer arose that he would drive out of his way (about 10 mins each direction) to pick me up and drop me off if I didn't want to arrive and leave alone... This could either be a kind gesture from someone who knows that a new group of people can be intimidating, a last ditch effort because he thinks my unseen talent can win the game for him, a creepy killer move, or an attempt at moving this closer to a date and away from a group outing. I'm not sure which option worries me most.
I think this is one that I might need to put past my guy friends, to see at what point it becomes like a date. I won't call it a date unless I am expressly 'asked out' and I know it will be a date right from the start, generally a double date or just us, but sometimes they try to sneak it past you in a way you don't notice until later. Perhaps I should just go anyway, in my own car of course, and see what happens. If nothing else, it makes anothe
It's official, I'm happier when I'm not looking for someone to date. After the last two attempts and the drama that they came with, I decided to take a break. It's only been a couple weeks, but I think that I'm going to make it a little bit of a longer break...Although I'm sure I'll cave soon.
When I'm not looking for someone I can wear my flat shoes (I've decided if I wear high heels I'll stop attracting short men) and I can wear my hair in a ponytail with my hat, or even yoga pants instead of jeans. This is a wonderful way to live! I can go anywhere I want whenever I feel like it and not worry about whether or not he'll care, and I can plan with my friends as often as I want. I'm not constantly worried about how perfect my make up is or if my purse matches (not like any guy would notice that anyway...)
Perhaps I can now find the secret to finding someone. Maybe it's in the not looking, the not persuing, and the not pretending