Add this to my list of things that make you go hmmmm.
Lately I have realized that there is way to much drama around me. I don't need it, I don't enjoy it, and I see no reason to be a part of it or to purpetuate it. SO, I have been sifting through my friends and activities and removing or distancing those who carry drama in their pockets and insist on sharing with others.
I know, I know, there will always be some time of drama. I understand. My family seems to have their own little drama trips and I won't be able to get away from those, but thankfully they are usually short lived and over silly things that I don't care about anyway. I just wait for it to pass. However, I see no reason to befriend people who I know have been causing dramatic incidences in their friends lives for year, and I sure won't tolerate them messing up my life, that's my job!
Yesterday I mentioned my goal of being drama free, and was told there will never be dram free, but that there are only ever "degrees of drama" I wonder when that happened? I don't remember high school being so event filled or friends reacting so strongly to events then as they seem to now. Today I mentioned to someone who is a few years older then me (think at least 10) during a normal conversation that I am weeding out the people in my life that cause the most drama, and I am trying to stay away from it. The response I received surprised and amused me
"So what do you do now?"
As in how do I spend my time now that I'm not using it to sort out drama. Now that I don't hang out with the ones who make everything something it need not be. This was a person well trained in human psychology, and he is implying that if I cut out the drama from my life I will have nothing left to do and no one to spend time with. I find this all a little sad. Is that seriously how we live our lives now? Without drama are we destined to stay home alone?
I replied that I read, I write, I play with my child, I do the laundry and the dishes and the vacuuming. I have barely enough time to finish things (ok, honestly I don't have nearly enough time, but no one needs to know about my unfinished chore list...) and then I find time to hang out with the people who make me laugh and who I enjoy being around, then I try to find quiet time alone, and then there are all the errands I didn't do yesterday. Trust me, there is lots to do without drama making it worse! However, I see the point.
If it isn't your friend causing the issues, then it's their friend. Or even sometimes you, (and me) can have a dramatic day or two. If not that then maybe it's family, or someone on the street or in the community making everything a huge deal. It is indeed everywhere and hard to avoid. So I have come up with a few tactics for dealing with this it.
1. Avoid causing drama as much as possible
2. Choose friends who are low drama, and watch out for when they are around people who bring it out in them.
3. Just watch it. Like a movie. Don't try to stop it, that'll just suck you in, consider it a soap opera or human behaviours assignment to see what happens.
4. Keep a range of people who can talk to or hang out with. This gives you an out when a few friends get overly worked up, just hang out with other friends until things calm down.
5. Make your opinions known as only your opinions and not judgements on anyone.
6. If you know one person creates a lot of drama in your life, consider what good they bring and maybe you need to look at cutting ties with them. Don't worry, they'll make it a big deal until they find something bigger.
7. Remind yourself that it always passes, take a deep breath, it'll be ok!
8. Ignore them when they are creating trouble, or tell them that they are your friend and you will listen to their concerns, but will not help them to spread rumors or take their side in anything. You won't be fun to drag into things anymore then.
9. Realize it's just a part of life, like the flu shot, close your eyes tightly, and hope that it's over soon
10. Spend more time with your child, perhaps they will remind you about what else there is in the world, and it won't all seem so bad. Plus a little quiet time with the kids can help you refocus and the drama might not seem so all-consuming.
I'm going to try these for a while longer, see which ones work the best, and do that one all the time! Other people are convinced I can't