Lately I've heard a lot about how our children learn everything from what we do, so what we do now and how we act will form who they become. So by that theory you are all exactly like your parents. They are exactly like their parents. Serial killers have children exactly like them. I'm call BS! I am NOT just like my mother, and while I share some common attributes with my father, I'm not just like him either. My parents spanked. Mind you I only remember it once, but i remember being threatened with it and believing they would. I don't spank at all and if I do "threaten" it comes out as a joke and my child doesn't even vaguely believe me. My parents ate meals I won't ever eat. My dad ran the house and my mom didn't drive, choose our groceries or meals, pay or even know what the bills were, or try to do any banking. I know she had her own account once, but I don't remember it ever being a thing or a big deal, it was just there (or not) and dad did all the hard stuff. I on the other hand haven't found a man I dated or was in a relationship with that I would be comfortable handing over all the bills and money issues, and I can't stand being judged on meals or told what to cook, not to mention not ever letting go of my car keys. I need to be able to drive for when I need to. I think a marriage should be a partnership where I am involved in all the decisions just as much as any man I marry. More so if I have more education and financial sense. That's not to say my dad never cooked because he did, and my mom certainly had a say in the big decisions, but it didn't feel equal to me. I knew who had more weight to their opinion, or who had the final say. That's find and it worked for them, but it just isn't for me. In the same way, I don't parent exactly like they do. I took my favorite parts and memories and I repeat those, I remember the things I didn't like and I try to avoid those. Will my child be perfect? NO! Will she learn from both my mistakes and my success? YES! She won't be exactly like me, but I do hope that she takes all the good parts of my parenting and uses them, while getting rid of the negative parts. She has her own mistakes to make, just as I have my own.
You are not your parents. You are not forming the exact person your child will be every time you open your mouth. You will be the most influential person in their lives, but they will become their own person in the end.