I'm beginning to wonder how much things are going to change before they stop, and how much I am going to change before I stop. I'm on a journey to find myself, but how was I to know that so much would be lost along the way? Thankfully there have been lots of gains as well. I am trading one hobby for another, I am trading one "job" for a new one, and I am entering a new venture with someone I never thought I could work with.
The great part is that I am growing closer to so many people, even though I am unfortionatly putting space between myself and others. I've rekindled friendships I thought were lost, I've met women I never would have before, I've started making new friends again. Who know how hard it would be to make new friends at my age?! It seems even harder now then it was in school. At least then I knew where to find people. Growing and changing is sure bringing me close to people I didn't think I'd be close to!
My daughter is growing and needs me less. I am regaining some of the ground I lost when I was absorbed in baby world. Not that I regret it, or that I blame her. I wanted her to be my whole life, and I wanted to dedicate those years to her, but now, it's time to give a little time back to myself. I am relearning what I like to do, what movies I enjoy, and where I like to eat when I go out. I'm forming new friendships to carry me through my new chapter in life. I'm remembering that spirit I had that caused me to work or start businesses and projects, and I'm finding that I've not lost that love. I've started 3 new projects or ventures this past month! Now to make sure I don't get too busy...
I'm still friends with those I knew in school, and I'm starting to form stronger relationships with some then I've had in years. I'm happy to have these people in my life. I am, however, making a stand. I no longer have time to chase friends, to wait forever for returned calls, or to listen to you judge and tell me I'm wrong all the time. This is a whole topic of it's own!
Sometimes it is time to say good bye to a project, venture, or goal. I think it is hardest to know that you're goals will not be reached. It's not failure though, if you choose new goals over old ones. It's not a failed venture if you decide it's not for you and move on. People grow and change, and what they do, what they want, changes with them. I've reached a point where I've grown a lot, and I've realised that some of what I was doing jsut didn't suit me, it wasn't what I wanted long term, or what was going to be best for me and my family in years to come. They were great things to do at the time though, so no regrets. My clothes are next... These are items that obviously change with time and age, so when you are 10 years out of school and still wearing the same shirts, it's time!
The hardest part is making that decision. Knowing that it's time to change something. I find it hard to let go of the past, to admit that I'm not who I was, or that what I had, what I was doing, isn't right for now. It's almost like admitting to having made the wrong choice, the wrong decision, to being wrong at all. Being in a different frame of mind one year then the other doesn't mean you're wrong, or that you ever were, just that life has kept going.