I've never before been accused of not caring when my friends have a problem. I've never been one to brush off anything, and I still don't. However, I do have a different level of tolerance and expectation then others. This may be because I have a child, and it may only be because we are at different maturity levels in general.
When my friend was getting divorced I felt for her. I spent hours on the phone and I tried to be encouraging and understanding. When a guy she dated once didn't show up, I found it less then disastrous. When someone she had met raised a bunch of red flags I pointed them or gently and hoped for the best. When it went exactly as I was worried it would, I was disappointed for her but also felt that after only a month it wasnt an Earth ending concern.
I'm also finding that when I do show emotion, it seems they expect something stronger. Evidently my "that really sucks, Im sorry it happened" should be more of a wail about how everything terrible is happening to them. I guess if I don't raise enough of a ruckus it means I don't care.
OR it means I am facing the issues as an adult, and am reacting to them how an adult in control of their emotions reacts. I don't think we will ever know for sure which version is true and which is perspective. The fact is that I don't get upset of what I think is a small issue, or a problem thy can easily be overcome. I've had many obstacles and issues and problems that have been so large and life altering that the little things are now seen as little things to me. Getting upset and yelling and crying rarely solves anything (although a good cry can be cleansing), and I see no point using energy on it when I could find a solution or a new use of my time.
I don't want my friends to think I'm insensitive. However, once you've ridden in the ambulance with your child, an adult with a knee injury doesn't seem quite so horrid. After hearing case after case in a family court as couple argue over their children the break up of a 2 month "relationship" doesn't look as terrible. I no longer am concerned with the discontinuation of a favorite soap opera or how upsetting it is when your favorite club closes (it wasnt all that upsetting when mine closed 10 years ago either...)
For my part I will try harder to make sure my friends know I care, but I also hope that perhaps my lack of huge reactions will help them realize what's really important.
When my friend was getting divorced I felt for her. I spent hours on the phone and I tried to be encouraging and understanding. When a guy she dated once didn't show up, I found it less then disastrous. When someone she had met raised a bunch of red flags I pointed them or gently and hoped for the best. When it went exactly as I was worried it would, I was disappointed for her but also felt that after only a month it wasnt an Earth ending concern.
I'm also finding that when I do show emotion, it seems they expect something stronger. Evidently my "that really sucks, Im sorry it happened" should be more of a wail about how everything terrible is happening to them. I guess if I don't raise enough of a ruckus it means I don't care.
OR it means I am facing the issues as an adult, and am reacting to them how an adult in control of their emotions reacts. I don't think we will ever know for sure which version is true and which is perspective. The fact is that I don't get upset of what I think is a small issue, or a problem thy can easily be overcome. I've had many obstacles and issues and problems that have been so large and life altering that the little things are now seen as little things to me. Getting upset and yelling and crying rarely solves anything (although a good cry can be cleansing), and I see no point using energy on it when I could find a solution or a new use of my time.
I don't want my friends to think I'm insensitive. However, once you've ridden in the ambulance with your child, an adult with a knee injury doesn't seem quite so horrid. After hearing case after case in a family court as couple argue over their children the break up of a 2 month "relationship" doesn't look as terrible. I no longer am concerned with the discontinuation of a favorite soap opera or how upsetting it is when your favorite club closes (it wasnt all that upsetting when mine closed 10 years ago either...)
For my part I will try harder to make sure my friends know I care, but I also hope that perhaps my lack of huge reactions will help them realize what's really important.