Here is a statement I say less and less these days. "Hello, anxiety, there you are."
There was a while were every day I lived with high anxiety levels. Blame post partum, blame hormones, say it was a chemical thing, it doesn't matter to me as much what caused it as it does how to over come it. Now I know there are ways to deal with it and to decrease these feelings, and I'm happy to say it has affected both my life and my daughters life positively. Now, rather then being worried about being worried, I can see the anxiety symptoms for what they are and therefore keep them from controlling me. Now please don't think I stayed in my bed for weeks on end scared to move, as that was not the case. I did most things I usually did, though not as many things just for fun, but I had a functioning, normal looking life. I was just a little more tired, a little more worried, and had some sore muscles. Usually. Some days were worse then others, and some days were great. What did I learn? 1. Many moms have or do feel the same way 2. It can be beat 3. Some anxiety is positive and constructive 4. Learn to work with the anxiety instead of against it. When I feel the symptoms coming, I can acknowledge them "hello anxiety" Sometimes it's been a long time since I felt them, and sometimes it's been just a short break. Either way, anxiety symptoms are just that, symptoms. I know what they are, I know that they will pass, and I know that they don't control me. "You can stay here anxiety, for a while, but you can't stay forever and you can't tell me what to do" Work with it. Feeling uncomfortable about taking a child out on a busy street? That may be a productive moment of anxiety, maybe wait until it's less busy out... Scared that I will fall down the stairs if you try to go start laundry? Hold on to the railing and walk slowly. It is ok and normal to fear things that are realistic, and harmful, provided you notice and respond appropriately. If you feel your anxiety is affecting your life style, tell someone. Your medical professional can help, or they can put you in contact with someone who can. More then not allowing it to affect your life greatly, it is important to not pass on these feelings to children, or to let it keep them from living a normal life. I can not tell you how to handle your own anxiety, nor can I cure it, but maybe my experience will help you to know you are not alone, and that it is possible to control your anxiety rather then it control you.
0 Comments
Here's a topic no one seems to want to mention. Moms have anxiety.
Now I'm not saying we all sit around every day scared to leave the house (although I know some do, and I know that some days otherwise anxiety free moms will feel that way as well) but anxiety is a common part of daily life. Anxiety is that feeling that reminds us not to let them out of sight in a busy store, or to buckle the carseat, and that hot stoves are hot. I know it seems like common sense, but in truth it is worry and anxiety over the outcome. We keep them close in the store so they don't get lost or stolen, we buckle the carseat to keep them safe from accident and injury, and we don't touch the stove because, well, it will hurt. This is good, useable, anxiety. Some moms have more then others. Some parents show and feel more symptoms of stronger anxiety. This can be a normal part of life too. I feel it is unfair when I hear a new mom, or a first time mom, tell me that they suffer from anxiety as thought they are ashamed. I wish that more moms wer willing to discuss it with them, to tell them it's normal. Nothing is worse then being afraid that you aren't normal or that you're a bad parent because of how you feel. I think that if everyone were to be more open then maybe there would be less feeling of judgement, and more feelings of growth and acceptance. Do you feel this way? Simply ask your moms, straight out in honest conversation, if she ever got anxious with children. Suprisingly the answer is yes far more then you would expect. If you feel a mom around you has increased anxiety then maybe having someone to share these feelings with would help her. Maybe she just wants to know it's normal and she's not the only one. Even if you personally don't have those concerns, surely we all understand why someone would. I do recommend telling your medical professional if anxiety becomes debilitating, or stops you from living a normal life, don't let fear run your life! My family is scared of storms. I say my family because I literally mean right from grandma and great grandma, they have all been so scared of storms that I remember seeing tears during my childhood. Not the men, just the women.
When I was little I didn't understand it. I love rain, and thunder was just a loud noise, and really hail was kind of cool... Now, I am terrified of storms! Why? not because I was born scared of them. Not because tv or my friends say I should be. The people around me when I was young taught me that storms are something to fear, like a hot stove, so I did. I also dislike spiders. My daughter used to sit on the back porch and watch the storms with her grandpa. I hated it. It scared me. These are storms and she is outside! However, I trusted his judgement and he always brought her in if it got windy or hail or rained too hard, so I let her go. Why? So she isn't scared of them. Just because I don't like them does not mean she should cry every time there is thunder. Now, without grandpa living so close, she is a little bit afraid of storms. I'm ok with that, it means she will come inside and wait them out, and not chase them down, but her fear is not debilitating, she doesn't hide under a blanket and cry. I'll call it a success. The added bonus is that in pretending they don't bother me, for her sake, they actually don't bother me as much as they used to. Now as she ages I need to choose more carefully what she learns from me. I am worried about the first day of school. Not that she'll be hurt, but that she'll be lonely or scared. However, she should be excited for school. That means I must look excited as well. It's hard work, but I'm going to do it! I will act so excited for school that she'll want to go, and I'll worry after drop off time, and stop again for pick up. Well, ok, I won't stop worrying, but she'll never know! That being said, I do let her see me a bit nervous sometimes, so she knows it's ok to have those feelings, I let her watch me get scared a little, so she knows she's not wrong to be scared of something, as long as it's her own fear and not mine. Are you passing fears onto your child? Are we teaching them to be scared of things that they shouldn't be? Children learn what we teach them, and they do need to be afraid of some things. It's a hard balance to find, but it's there. Looking around my house and particulaily my pantry this morning, I realized that I have the weirdest items keeping my home more organized (I'd say just "organized", but that wouldn't be true!) I thought that some of these are great ideas, so here I go:
1. The box your case of KD comes in I use these to organize several items, but mostly in my pantry. The are open on the sides, but still hold prepackaged noodles, seasonings, soup mixes, flavoured rice packets, etc 2. Wire shoe rack Rather then purchase an expensive bookeshelf or other shelving unit, I moved my wire shoe rack upstairs and have places baskets and containers on it holding all my business supplies 3. Plastic Baskets I purchased several of these in different sizes at the Dollar Store thorghout the years. I use them to store bathroom items (the water leaks out the bottom so items dry) I also use them on my desk to hold pens, pencils, post its, bills to be paid, etc. I have a "baking basket" in my pantry to keep all my baking supplies together so I can just grab the basket when I want to make something, not carry individual items, as well as my Tassimo discs, drink mixes, etc, each have their own basket so I can grab what I want and choose my flavour :) 4. Shoe Boxes I've started using shoe boxes to hold paperwork. It can be written right on the box what year it is from, and they stack easily. Another alternative is large envelopes, but as I like to keep my address book and old organizer/daily planner each year, I find the boxes hold better and last longer. These are also great for sorting childrens small toys. Simply print a picture of the type of toy that goes in it (ie blocks) and they can find the box and put them away themselves. 5. Large Margerine Containers I use these for EVERYTHING!! Storing art projects, storing craft supplies, small toys (they can see through them so it's easy to find what you want) pasta bucekts (kids will play with pasta and a spoon or cup for hours), store school work by the year, including anything they made you want to keep, carrying cupcakes and cookies...the possibilitites are endless!! I hope that some of these ideas are helpful for some. I lvoe to organize but the cost of containers keeps going This one is dedicated to all the work at home moms! I hope you share it :)
Today is a holiday, so I decided to keep it as a day off. I should have known better! Here's how my day has looked so far: Up at 5 am, drop off family member at 5 35 am - Of course my daughter isn't going back to sleep! Breakfast by 6 am, then the chores start. Unload dishwasher Load dishwasher with dishes hiding in various places around my house Thank goodness for the dishwasher!! Research and writ blog post about back to school shopping Snack Pack stuff to go for a walk, drive to location of walk to meet other moms Walk around town while pushing super light stroller filled by 30lb toddler Stop at grocery store on ride home Lunch Laundry Post busines advertisements on several FB groups and pages Join liking ladder and open wall pages to gain likes Gain 5 likes on my page in exchange for the 45 I had to like, according to rules. Decide liking ladders may not be worth it and look for alternative, or pages who inforce rules more Add an app to the page for give aways Post information for items I'm crafting Snack Play a game Clean up the game Fold laundry and put it back in the basket with hopes that it will put itself away I really do wish laundry could put itself away!! Write another blog post about all the things I've done on my day off Realize it's not even 2 30 pm :( Fold second load of laundry Clean up cat food from the floor Clean up water from the floor Other necessary actions when caring for a child (help wash hands, get juice, retrieve lost toys, step on and move toys found on the floor, clean up spilled juice and replace with more...) Still left to do today: PUT LAUNDRY AWAY (yeah, that's probably not gonna happen...) Approach companies about products to review Approach companies about products to give away Supper Clean/bath the child Share my successes! NAP!!! :D I'm almost glad that tomorrow is a normal work day!! I know many moms who do this and more in a day, and to them I say good job! Work At Home Moms and Stay At Home Moms are among the hardest working people I know. It's that time again! All the kids are going back to school and getting off the street. And yes, in my town I literally mean the street, street hocky, basketball, there's always something going on.
I've researched and I've written my favorite ideas, so here are ways to save time and money doing your BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING. 1. Make a list. Or get a list. Many schools hand them out at the end of the year for the next one, some hand them out to stationary stores around town, other post them online. 2. Purchase multiples of frequently used items when they are on sale, any time of year. If you are out shopping for Valentines day and looseleaf paper is on sale for some reason, get a few packs. I know we are going more and more computer based, but you will still need paper for a few years. 3. Use supplies from last year. After pulling a back pack from last year and sorting what was in it (also a good way to store supplies over the year, each child will have their back pack with their supplies) I think I may need to purchase just shoes. 4. Get only what you NEED and save the extras for when you need extras. Like an IPod might be fun for that walk to school, but it's a great birthday present, and no, they don't NEED an IPad for the first day just because their friend might have one. 5. When getting branded items, choose those they like rather then what is cool today. If your child likes Batman but Cars is cool this year, they will get tired of that Cars backpack and want Batman by Christmas. This also works for favorite colours versus what their friends have. 6. Compare dollar store items with larger box stores or stationary supply stores. That 50 cent notebook might look like a great deal, but if it has only a third of the pages of the $1 at a larger store, then you aren't saving anything. 7. Go with another parent. Think peer pressure in reverse. "Everyone has one" isn't nearly as effective if their friend is right next to you and she's not getting one either. 8. Get a few "treats" An extra pen for that junior high girl just because it's pink or purple? If you can add that pen, and maybe a notebook with a pretty cover, instead of needing more expensive jeans or shoes with all the extras, then you save and they still get to show their own style and individuality. 9. Keep MOST items basic. A pencil is a pencil, and a pen is a pen. Not only will they use them, they will lose them, trade them, lend them out. One or two special items may be treated better as it stands out from the rest, but if every pencil is unique then it ends up being just like the others, but costing you more. 10. If your school as a purchase plan compare the prices and be willing to USE it. Schools who have plans with certain companies usually get a lower rate on all supplies, they get the exact products as everyone else in the class, you don't have to go get them, and they come packaged to the first day of school. Also, these companies have the list already, so if you lose yours you'll still have everything you need. Todays post is just about us mommies. I was out for a walk this morning, and I started thinking about the people in my life. I have a slowly growing and expanding group of friends, however, like everything else in life, they are all changing relationships. Somedays I'm clsoer to one friend and others I'm not. Sometimes I'll hang out with one person every day for a week or two, then I won't have contact with them for a whole week. This is the way life is. Like the tide everything is always moving.
I consider my true long term friends to be those who I won't see for weeks or even months and things seem just the same when I see them as they always were. These are the people I wouold miss the most if they were to never again to visit me, or share a coffee. Everyone has a group of "fairweather friends" who only want to be around when things are gong well and who disappear as soon as things get difficult. But do you have one true best friend? In school we all had that one best friend who knew everything. You told them all your stories, feelings, and shared with them all your questions. You learned and grew together. Now, as a mom, I find that I crave that kind of friendship. Someone who knows what's going on in my life when I call them and I don't need to explain every feeling, they just know. Looking around, I don't feel that I have that. I have a few close friends who I speak too, and seak advice from, or just call when I need a good laugh. None of these friends know everything about me. No one I speak to regularily knows why I run, they don't remember my first cup of coffee, they don't know how things make me feel until I telll them, and they surely don't know everything that goes on in my life. Now things are more complicated then in any other time of life, and we are not all taking the time to clutivate those kinds of friendships. How many people on your Facebook friends list have you met? How many do you see? Are we now spending so much time trying to know everyone, be liked by everyone, and please everyone, that we have forgotten that quality is almost always better then quantity? I would like to challenge you to focus on your friends this week. Inspect your relationships and see which need cultivating, which people do you rely on the most, and who do you want to be the closest too? You can't create a BFF, but if you look hard enough you might already have one! Now, let's take a moment to look at how this will affect our children. Are we teaching our chilren how to form and cultivate those freindships that will see them through the tough times they have ahead? Peer pressure is coming, tests will arise, and we won't always be within arms reach, I for one want my daughter to have a best friend to support her decisions and cross those roads with her. |